


The Kind of World Where We Belong

by shaggydogstail



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Arranged Marriage, F/M, Fake Marriage, Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-28 03:19:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12597000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shaggydogstail/pseuds/shaggydogstail
Summary: A teen elopement to defy the new Decree for the Protection of Wizarding Purity seemed like a great prank at the Ministry’s expense.  As time goes on, though, both Sirius and Lily might well have reason to wonder if the joke’s really on them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to chocolatepot for the beta job.

‘I… you what?’

Lily flushed a little redder and mumbled a vague, ‘You heard me.’

As proposals go, it wasn’t the grandest or the most romantic.  Sirius kept staring at Lily like she was a Quaffle short of a Quidditch match, and Lily wondered, not for the first time, if this wasn’t the stupidest idea she’d ever had.  She must’ve been desperate to think this was a good idea. 

Of course, that was the point, wasn’t it?  She really was desperate.  That’s why she had to at least try.

‘You’ve heard about the Ministry tightening regulations on employment and access to education?’ said Lily, not quite managing to look Sirius in the eye.  He opened his mouth, most likely to launch into a well-intentioned and furious rant about the Ministry, but Lily held up her hand to forestall it.

‘Don’t,’ she said.  ‘I’m sure you’re very angry but that’s not actually going to help me.’

‘OK,’ said Sirius slowly.  ‘But… how is getting married to _me_ going to help you?  I’d like to say I’m quite the catch but… really now?’

Lily pushed a sheaf of parchment across the table towards Sirius.  She didn’t trust the Prophet to report accurately on anything, but Dorcas had an aunt who worked at the Ministry and had been able to get a copy of the new Decree for the Protection of Wizarding Purity.

‘They want to stop Muggle-borns coming to Hogwarts, owning wands, and having jobs at the Ministry or any magical business,’ explained Lily.  ‘There wasn’t enough support for an outright ban, though, at least not yet.  But once this goes into force any adult who doesn’t have relatives in the magical community _will_ be forced out.’

Sirius studied the decree Lily’d shoved under his nose, brow furrowed and an expression of profound distaste on his face.  ‘Relatives, not parents?’ he said, glancing up.  ‘Do you think someone wrote a loophole in specifically?’

‘Could be.’  Lily shrugged.  ‘More likely there’s a fair few members of the Wizengamot who like to make out they’re pure-blood but have actually got a Muggle-born granny they’d rather not draw attention to.  Come to think of it, going after someone else’s granny would make them look bad too.’

‘Bunch of hypocrites and cowards,’ said Sirius.  ‘You’re right – they don’t want to appear too obviously hateful, so they’re laying off children and anyone with a family to stick up for them.  Single adults are an easy target.’

Lily shifted uncomfortably in her seat.  Sirius’ analysis was a little too spot-on, and she didn’t like thinking of herself as an easy target even though – because – it was true.  That was the entire point of her proposal anyway.  She wasn’t asking for Sirius’ love, or companionship, or even for some sort of strategic alliance.  She was asking for his protection.

‘OK,’ he continued, after a lengthy silence.  ‘I can see what you’re aiming for: marriage to a pure-blood will get the Ministry off your back.  It’s pretty drastic, but…’

‘It needn’t be forever,’ Lily cut in.  ‘I can leave, I’ll probably have to eventually the way things are going.  Go abroad.  I just want to finish Hogwarts first.’

Sirius held up his hands.  ‘I’m not criticising,’ he said.  ‘Not you, anyway.  But it still doesn’t explain why you asked me, specifically.  I’m sure James would be more than willing.’

‘He fancies me,’ said Lily, looking Sirius in the eye at last.  She half-expected some glib comment about how that wasn’t usually considered a barrier for marriage, but Sirius did seem to understand that much at least.

He slumped down in his seat with a defeated sigh, like he was all out of answers.  Somehow that was more humiliating than when he had argued with her.

‘Forget about it,’ said Lily, gathering up the parchments and stuffing them into her bag.  ‘It was a stupid idea.’

Sirius waited until her bag was packed and dangling from her shoulder before he spoke. ‘Give me some time,’ he said, just as she was about to go.  ‘I’ll think about it.’

Not knowing quite what to say, or if she could speak at all, Lily just nodded tightly and left.


	2. Chapter 2

James listened in silence as Sirius explained the whole thing to him, between sips of elf-made wine they’d pilfered from Slughorn’s stash as they sat together on the grass, leaning against the Quidditch shed and watching the sun go down over the Forest.

‘It must be really hard for her,’ said James at last, some minutes after Sirius had finished speaking. ‘Not just her, all the Muggle-borns.’

Sirius shrugged; it sounded an awful lot like James was trying very hard to say the right thing, and not give in to some petty temper tantrum. The whole situation was bigger than that, after all. Besides, it wasn’t like Sirius had asked for any of it, or been the one to approach Lily. That didn’t quite stop him feeling guilty anyway.

‘You’re going to do it, aren’t you?’ James dragged his gaze away from the owls swooping over the trees to turn and face Sirius. ‘You’re actually going to marry her.’

‘It’s just… she asked me, Prongs,’ said Sirius, fingers digging into the grass and the mud beside him. ‘Me.’

‘You.’ James managed a hollow laugh and threw back another mouthful of wine before passing the bottle to Sirius. ‘She must be feeling hard up.’

Sirius didn’t argue.

‘Well, yeah,’ he said. ‘The whole thing’s fucked up. She must be so scared.’

He broke off and grabbed the wine bottle James held out, emptying the last of it down his throat.

‘She’s scared and alone and she doesn’t know what sort of a future she has,’ Sirius continued. He stopped for a moment, tugging up great tufts of grass in his fist until he was ready to continue. ‘And when I felt like that, I had you.’

James put his hand on Sirius’ shoulder. ‘You’ll always have me, Padfoot.’

Sirius nodded. ‘I know,’ he said quietly. ‘But Evans doesn’t have a best mate who can save her from this. For whatever reason, she’s decided I’m her best hope. I don’t want to let her down.’

The wine bottle fell to the ground, rolling away under a gorse bush as James pulled Sirius into a rough hug.

‘I’m proud of you, mate,’ he said, pushing his glasses back up his nose. ‘Although you might want to start calling her Lily. When you’re married.’

Sirius let out a sharp bark of laughter. ‘Married!’ he gasped, falling back onto the grass. The sky was growing dark above them. ‘Married, me! Merlin’s crack, this is mental.’


	3. Chapter 3

Lily glanced around the dormitory nervously. She’d dragged Dorcas and Marlene along for support, although since their idea of support largely consisted of pushing her towards Sirius and making kissy faces, she wondered why she bothered.

‘Right, everyone, less chit-chat and more getting down to business.’ Remus was sitting on the next bed along – his own, presumably – with a length of parchment spread over a Charms textbook propped up on his knees. ‘We have a lot of work to do.’

‘We?’ queried Lily, although she should’ve known that anything Sirius did would be turned into a group activity for all of them. She just hoped… nevermind. ‘Why are you in charge, anyway?’

‘Moony’s a prefect,’ said James. ‘That’s why he’s always in charge of planning.’

‘Plotting, more like,’ suggested Marlene, and the boys all nodded.

Lily privately thought that planning – or, like Marlene said, plotting – wasn’t exactly the main function for prefects, but she suspected she was in the minority on this. It might also explain why, for all he was a nice enough lad, Remus was fairly pants as a prefect. ‘I’m a prefect too, you know.’

‘And a much better one,’ said Remus, smiling. ‘But less of a plotter.’

‘Lils is more of a thwarter,’ said Dorcas, and the boys all agreed with her too. So much for her friends providing back up.

‘I’m not doing this for the good of my health, you know,’ said Remus. ‘You are both familiar with the penalties for entering into a sham marriage?’

‘Yes, Moony, we know.’ Sirius rolled his eyes as he spoke, suggesting this wasn’t the first time they’d had this discussion. He was sitting on the floor between two beds, with his knees pulled up to his chest, and he hadn’t looked at Lily since she’d entered the boys’ dorms a good half hour ago. He turned to grin to her now, though. ‘We’re not planning to get caught, are we, Evans?’

‘You can stop calling her that for starters,’ said Remus. ‘No-one’s going to buy your epic romance if you’re not even on first name terms. It’s strictly Sirius and Lily from here on in.’

‘Cute pet names might be even better,’ suggested Peter from the food of the bed, ruining Lily’s image of him as a nice, quiet boy.

‘Ooh,’ chorused Dorcas and Marlene. Lily cringed.

‘Like “flower of my heart” or “petal pie”’ suggested Marlene, presumably out of a desire to reacquaint Lily with her dinner. ‘And “twinkle.”’

‘Twinkle?’

‘Little star,’ said Marlene, laughing until she snorted through her nose.

Sirius twisted around to glare at her. ‘Don’t make me hex you.’

Marlene just laughed a little longer, but Remus coughed and tapped his parchment. ‘This is the exactly the sort of nonsense we need to avoid,’ he said sternly. ‘Given names will suffice, although if either of you can manage it – Evans, I expect you’ll be more convincing – try and slip in the odd “darling” or “sweetheart” but keep it subtle. And for the love of Merlin, Padfoot, stop growling. People who are blissfully in love tend to have hearts in their eyes, not daggers.’

‘Perhaps we should hit him with a few Cheering Charms,’ suggested Dorcas. ‘Gentle ones, mind, just enough to make him all dazed and happy, not laughing hysterically.’

‘Someone’s going to be hysterical, and it’s not with laughter,’ said Sirius warningly.

Lily had some sympathy with his annoyance, but thought she’d best intervene to prevent a breach of the peace. ‘So I take it you guys have already started with your, uh, plotting?’ she said, casting a nervous glance over at Remus, probably the sanest person in the room, although he wasn’t fighting off much competition. 

‘Well, yes, but I’m afraid the bulk of the work is going to be down to the two of you,’ said Remus, frowning down at his parchment. ‘Right now you’re not going to convince anybody – your body language is all wrong.’

‘He’s right, you know,’ said Marlene. ‘You and Black really should be sitting closer together.’

‘Climb right into his lap,’ added Dorcas, nodding. ‘Give him a chance to try and cop a feel.’

‘I am not going to start groping Ev – Lily, in public!’ said Sirius. ‘Look, I’ve thought about this one. I can just act all snotty pure-blood about how pawing at each other in public is common, and naturally I’ve got a bit more respect for my, uh, wife.’

He choked out the word like it was causing him pain, but Lily could hardly blame him for finding it hard to say. It was strange enough just hearing it. ‘It’s a fair mix of stuck-up superiority and Gryffindor chivalry,’ she said, trying to sound encouraging. ‘It could work.’

‘Well, Padfoot had to find some way of covering up how weird he is about people touching him,’ said James. He was grinning wickedly. ‘He wasn’t hugged enough as a child.’

‘Try not to mind Prongs,’ said Sirius. ‘He wasn’t thrashed enough as a child.’ He flicked a V at James, who just laughed and threw the nearest pillow back.

‘Try petting his hair,’ James told Lily, as though Sirius weren’t even there. ‘He doesn’t mind that.’

‘Is that because –’ Peter started, but was cut off by another of James’s pillow missiles.

Lily raised her hand, then hesitated. Sirius didn’t look much like he wanted her to touch him at all. He looked like it was only the fact you can’t Disapparate at Hogwarts that stopped him disappearing on the spot.

‘Go on,’ said Marlene, giving Lily an encouraging shove.

Lily leant forward and sort of… patted Sirius on the head. ‘Like this?’

‘Gotta say, that’s the least sexy thing I’ve ever seen,’ said Dorcas. ‘And I once walked in on Professor Slughorn flossing.’

Lily resisted the instinct to grab her hand back, and kept on stroking Sirius’ hair. He did have awfully nice hair – silky and soft. Stroking it wasn’t so bad.

‘Now try gazing lovingly at each other.’ There was a twinkle in Remus’s eye which made Lily suspect he was enjoying the situation rather more than he was letting on.

‘I feel silly,’ admitted Lily, gazing at nothing but her own kneecaps.

‘Try pretending he’s one of your favourite things,’ suggested Marlene, in a rare moment of actually being helpful. Unfortunately Lily couldn’t think of anything.

‘Pretend he’s a nice, sexy squid,’ said James.

‘Fuck’s sake, Prongs,’ muttered Sirius. He didn’t, Lily noticed, make any effort to stop her playing with his hair.

‘Fine, you try a spot of adoring looks,’ said James. ‘Look at Evans and pretend she’s describing how she just punched your cousin Bella in the face.’

Sirius did look up at her, and grinned. He looked fond and amused, and Lily remembered that he was awfully good-looking. She smiled back, a little shyly, and then blinked when a bright flash of light threatened to blind her.

‘Perfect,’ said Peter, putting the camera down. Where had he been hiding that? The cloud of purple smoke from the camera made Lily cough.

‘Nice one, Wormtail,’ said Remus. ‘We’ll be wanting a decent collection of artefacts too – photos, love notes, keepsakes, that sort of thing. I’ve taken the liberty of making a start.’

With that, he reached under the bed and pulled out a small bag, which he handed to Lily. Inside she found a diary, complete with loose sheets of parchment containing suggested diary entries about her supposed romance with Sirius, and some spare scraps to be filled in with notes to him. It was all a bit much, being expected to complete special fake marriage homework, although the thought that Sirius was probably going to have to do it too cheered her. The bag also contained a loose tarot card (the Lovers, naturally), a toy motorcycle, and an old Hobgoblins t-shirt. Finally, there was a small collection of photos. Lily picked them up and flicked through idly, until _oh!_

‘Which one of you arseholes slipped in a nude?’ said Sirius.

‘Never fear, there’s no cock,’ said Dorcas as she peered over Lily’s shoulder. ‘It’s really quite tasteful.’

It actually was; the photo showed Sirius lying face down in bed, apparently asleep, surrounded by bike magazines, with a single sheet slung low across his buttocks. The sheet moved gently as picture-Sirius breathed in and out, barely protecting his modesty. Every so often his leg would twitch, and he’d run a sleepy hand over his ear.

‘You know, if I were a less ethical woman, I’d pinch that and make good money selling copies to impressionable fifth-years,’ said Dorcas.

‘Since you are the _least_ ethical woman I know, I’ll be keeping it closely guarded,’ said Lily, putting the photograph in the bag, along with the rest of the marriage collection.

‘I hope you’re impressed, Padfoot,’ said James. ‘You fiancée’s doing a sterling job of defending your honour.’

‘And here I was thinking I didn’t have any,’ said Sirius, grinning. ‘Cheers, Evans. I mean Lily,’ he amended glancing guiltily at Remus, who raised his eyebrows and made more notes on the parchment.

‘Right, well, I think that’s enough excitement for one evening,’ announced Remus. ‘Let’s leave it there for now.’

Lily was relieved enough at the prospect of calling it a night not to mind the way Remus’ somewhat off-beat wedding planner routine, but she should’ve known that her own friends weren’t going to let her off that easily.

‘Of course, the blushing bride needs her beauty sleep,’ said Marlene. ‘Don’t forget a little goodnight kiss for your handsome groom before you go.’

The dormitory erupted in laughter, with nearly everyone present apparently finding the comment hugely amusing. Lily didn’t laugh, though, and she was fairly certain she was blushing scarlet. As she looked down, mostly trying to hide her face behind her hair, she saw that Sirius wasn’t laughing either; he looked furious.

Glancing back up Lily saw she wasn’t the only one to have picked up on Sirius’ bad mood. James took a step towards him, his arm outstretched, as Sirius jumped to his feet and turned on Marlene.

‘Padfoot…’ he began, but to no avail.

‘You think this is fucking funny?’ said Sirius. ‘A bit of “ha-ha, maybe we can wind them up into putting on some sort of live sex show” thing, is that your idea of entertainment?’

‘A little goodnight kiss hardly qualifies as a sex show,’ said Marlene, remaining impressively unruffled in the face of Sirius’ temper. ‘Helga’s tits, even you’re not that uptight.’

Sirius looked angry enough to curse her, right there in the middle of the dormitory, but James grabbed his arm.

‘This isn’t a joke!’

‘Of course it isn’t,’ said James, in an extraordinarily calm tone of voice. ‘You know we don’t think that.’

Sirius just glared back mutinous, glancing between James and Marlene, before turning on his heel and storming through the nearest door, presumably into the bathroom.

‘Well done, Marlene,’ said Lily, a little more forcefully than she’d intended.

‘I was just teasing,’ said Marlene. She scrambled backwards off the bed and stood up beside Dorcas, who gave her a small, sympathetic smile but said nothing. ‘I’m sorry, Lils, you know I didn’t mean anything by it. I’ll apologise to Black as well if you like.’

‘Don’t worry about it,’ said James. ‘He’ll be fine when he’s had a chance to cool down. I’ll talk to him.’

‘No, I will,’ said Lily. She shifted uncomfortably as everyone else in the room turned to look at her. ‘If you all wouldn’t mind… uh…’

‘Fucking off?’ James suggested helpfully. ‘Least we can do. Lads, ladies… shall we?’

Lily shot him a grateful smile as he ushered the others out of the dorm. When she was confident they really all had gone at least down to the Common Room, she went over and knocked on the bathroom door.

‘Hey, Bla – Sirius, can you come out, please?’ she said. ‘I’d like to talk to you. It’s just me.’

To her relief it didn’t take long for him to answer, as the door swung open almost straight away. ‘I thought so,’ he said. ‘They weren’t exactly subtle, charging down the stairs like a herd of rampaging erumpents.’

‘I don’t think subtlety is something either of us can have been looking for in friends,’ said Lily, aiming for jovial but missing it by half a mile.

Sirius just shrugged and went to sit down on the end of a bed, the one Lily had been sitting on with Dorcas and Marlene earlier. It was probably his, then, and the thought that she’d been in Sirius’ bed made Lily feel strangely uncomfortable. She pushed the feeling aside, took a deep breath, and turned to address Sirius directly.

‘Look, it’s not too late to back out,’ she said. ‘I know you agreed but… I’m not going to hold you to it. I should never have asked you to marry me. It’s too much.’

Sirius looked thoughtful. ‘Do you want to back out?’ he said. ‘I mean, have you got someone else in mind? What are you going to do about the Ministry?’

‘I… no, I’m not planning on marrying anyone else,’ said Lily. The prospect of asking anyone else to marry her was almost unbearably humiliating. ‘There are other ways. Professor Dumbledore’s been in touch with Beauxbatons, you know. He says they’re willing to take on Muggle-born students if we have to leave Britain.’

‘But you don’t want to leave.’

‘No,’ agreed Lily. ‘I don’t. But I don’t want to ruin your life either.’

Sirius stared back at her, incredulous. ‘You’re not the one ruining my life,’ he said. ‘You’re practically being forced to marry me.’

‘Well, I do have other options,’ said Lily, much as she didn’t like the thought of any of them. ‘Anyway, it’s not like you’re forcing anything on me. It wasn’t you that made the law.’

‘It was people like me, though. Rich pure-bloods, and all that,’ said Sirius. ‘And, yeah, I’ve never agreed with any of that, but it doesn’t make me any better if I start… taking advantage of you.’

Despite herself, Lily laughed. ‘Steady on,’ she said. ‘You make yourself sound like some sort of upper-class cad in a bad pulp fiction novel.’

‘I feel like one,’ said Sirius. ‘And I don’t want to be – I’ve tried so hard… not to be like him.’

Sirius looked away. Lily hesitated for just a moment before going to sit beside him. She took hold of Sirius’ hand, trying not to mind the way he stiffened slightly at the contact, and squeezed it gently.

‘Not like who?’ she asked.

‘We used to have staff, you know, when I was a kid,’ he began awkwardly. ‘Moony assures me that my childhood is just like normal people imagine rich people to be, so I’m sure you can picture it. Anyway, I had this governess, Celeste, she was lovely. Really clever and funny, she was so good to me and Reg. Then one day she had this huge row with my mum, and then, bam, she was gone.’

He broke off, staring up at the window before continuing. ‘Anyway, I found out later that Celeste had been having it off with my dad. My mum had a few choice words to say about her, let me tell you. I was furious with her too, for years.’

‘Then what happened?’ asked Lily softly.

‘I ran into her at Diagon Alley, right before the start of Fourth year. She was waitressing at Fortescue’s. I was kind of awful to her, actually, we had this really weird conversation. I didn’t even figure most of it out until later. But looking back I think… I think she did have some sort of an affair with my father, but it wasn’t exactly her idea. I doubt he actually forced himself on her, nothing so crude as that. She probably could’ve said no. It’s just…’

‘… her other choices weren’t great?’ Lily finished for him. She could imagine – it really did sound like the plot of a bad pulp fiction novel, with the poor, innocent servant-girl being taken advantage of by the master of the house. ‘That’s horrible, it really is, and I can see why you’d be upset about it. But I don’t think you need to worry about turning into your father – I’ve never met him, but from what I hear he’d never go to this sort of trouble to help a Muggle-born stay in the magical world.’

‘Quite the opposite,’ said Sirius, smiling ruefully. ‘I know it’s not exactly the same. But Marlene and the others had a point, you know. If we’re going to convince the Ministry we’re in a real relationship we’re going to have to act like it. We might not have to sleep together but we’ll have to at least touch each other a bit. You’ll probably have to kiss me at some point and I know you don’t want to.’

Lily managed a weak smile. ‘I can think of worse things.’

‘Like having your wand snapped?’

It was an unwelcome reminder that, yes, she really was afraid of having her wand snapped. Lily drew her hand back, instinctively going to touch her wand, which was sitting in its normal place in her pocket.

‘I shouldn’t have said that,’ admitted Sirius after a moment. ‘Merlin, I’m being a dick, aren’t I? Going off on one at Marlene for joking about it, but I can’t stop doing it myself.’

The thing about jokes, Lily thought, is that it sometimes makes all the difference in the world which end of them you’re on.

‘Well, us getting married kind of is one big joke,’ she said. ‘But it needn’t be at our expense.’

Sirius looked at her thoughtfully. ‘Are you saying we should treat this like pranking the Ministry?’

Lily nodded. Yes, that was exactly what she was saying. ‘If we’re going to do this, we might as well have a little fun with it. Put on a decent show.’

‘You intrigue me,’ said Sirius, bad mood apparently evaporating as a sly grin spreads across his face. ‘So, what did you have in mind?’

Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Lily plucked up her nerve, leant forward, and kissed him. It was a slow, careful kiss, dry-mouthed and gentle against Sirius’ mouth. All the same, Lily was quite proud of her own boldness. When she drew back, she saw Sirius raise his eyebrows; he seemed a little surprised but not displeased.

‘Shouldn’t that wait for an audience?’ he asked.

‘Well, you know,’ said Lily, trying to play it cool though she was fairly certain her cheeks were flushed pink. ‘Marlene and Dorcas thought we were pretty awkward with each other. We could probably do with rehearsing.’

‘What, like, snogging practice?’

‘Um, yeah.’

‘In that case,’ said Sirius, his voice suddenly much lower. ‘We should probably do it properly.’

‘Yeah,’ agreed Lily, breathing out the word against Sirius’ mouth. The second kiss was tentative still, a little hesitant as Sirius took his time deepening the kiss, lips parting only a little. His hand came up touch her face, gently stroking back her hair. By the time he pulled back, Lily felt sure her heart was beating faster.

‘Alright?’ he asked.

‘Not bad,’ said Lily. ‘Better than getting my wand snapped, anyway.’

Sirius laughed at that, a loud, raucous sound, and Lily was glad to hear something that sounded real.


	4. Chapter 4

The wedding followed a few weeks later, during the Christmas holidays. Sirius found dealing with the unfamiliar Muggle officials and practices vaguely disconcerting though, to be fair, he wasn’t sure he’d have been much more comfortable with a Wizarding ceremony. They’d travelled to a small town not far from Hogwarts, to an unremarkable building full of Muggles who seemed friendly and pleasant, but didn’t ask too many questions. (Though Sirius suspected both Moony and Prongs of casting the occasional Confundus Charm to make sure they didn’t.)

There was no family there, no surprises. Lily had considered inviting her sister, who sounded horrible, but had decided against it. Sirius entertained himself during dull moments by imagining Regulus’ reaction if he’d invited him. James was his best man, of course, a constant reassuring presence that helped Sirius feel a little less like he was about to fall off the face of the Earth.

‘You sure about this?’ asked James as he helped Sirius straighten out the tie he’d bought specially to go with his new Muggle suit.

‘No,’ admitted Sirius. ‘This is quite possibly a terrible idea.’

James grinned at him, mischievous and conspiratorial. ‘Gonna do it anyway?’

‘You know it.’ Sirius grinned back.

#

The winter sun shone bright and clear as they stepped back out onto the street, Sirius with a gold band on his finger and Lily – now _his wife_ – on his arm.

‘Give us a kiss!’ yelled Peter, holding up his camera. He groaned and rolled his eyes but snapped away anyway as Sirius and Lily both blew kisses to him.

Lily looked beautiful in a simple white dress and fur stole – Sirius might not have been the love-struck groom he had to pretend he was, but he still had eyes. She laughed a little too loud, her eyes shining and cheeks pink, though how much of that was down to the bottle Dorcas had hidden in her bouquet, Sirius wouldn’t like to say.

‘Let’s just snog and get it over with so we can go indoors,’ Lily hissed – a little too loud to be called a whisper – in his ear. ‘I’m freezing my tits off out here.’

‘Give the audience what they want?’ asked Sirius, nodding over at Peter, who had James, Remus, Marlene, and Dorcas lined up behind up. ‘Could do, although I was kind of hoping we could provoke them into a snowball fight.’

‘In these shoes?’ said Lily. She leant against Sirius to lift one foot, so that Sirius noted for the first time that she was wearing strappy silver heels. They didn’t look particularly comfortable, though they did explain why she seemed taller than usual. ‘They’re supposed to make me look more glamorous, or that’s what that sadistic bitch Marlene reckons. I can barely walk.’

Sirius grinned. Lily was pretty funny when she was bitching other people out. ‘Do you want me to carry you?’

Lily looked like she was honestly thinking about punching him but then sighed. ‘Actually, yes please, I’m only just keeping upright as it is, and if I step on the ice I’ll probably break my neck. Plus, it’ll look good for the photos.’

Slightly surprised – he really hadn’t expected her to say yes – Sirius lifted Lily off the ground, to approving whoops from their so-called friends. ‘Hold on tight.’

‘Drop me and I’ll hex your bollocks off,’ said Lily, smiling as she reached up to kiss Sirius’ cheek. It was kind of a routine they’d developed, insulting each other while they acted romantic. It made the whole thing so much less embarrassing.

‘You think the Muggles will notice if I use a Charm to make you lighter?’ Sirius whispered in her ear like it was a declaration of love.

‘You’re really not that attached to your bollocks, are you?’ said Lily. Sirius laughed, and kissed her, and when the flash from Peter’s camera went off in his face again he blinked so hard he very nearly stumbled and dropped her in a puddle.

#

They celebrated with beer and sandwiches in front of a roaring fire at a nearby pub, Muggle again. The landlady was very taken by the young lovebirds, as she called them, especially after Remus had detailed at length the story of their forbidden love and disapproving families. Sirius had always admired Moony’s ability to strengthen a lie with just the right about of truth, but he was revealing a hitherto undiscovered talent for romantic fiction.

‘Oh, Prongs,’ said Sirius, suddenly struck with inspiration. James looked up from a heated debate with Dorcas about Puddlemere’s changes against the Canons the following week. ‘How’s this for a career opportunity for Moony: writing bodice-rippers?’

‘That is genius, mate.’ James nodded approvingly. ‘So long as you don’t mind that you and Lily are the basis of his wilder flights of fancy.’

‘Nah.’ Sirius beamed. ‘I’m very inspiring.’

‘Yes, you’ve inspired all sorts of things, Padfoot,’ said Remus, who’d apparently been paying more attention than Sirius had realised. ‘Fits of despair, mostly.’

‘And attacks of nausea,’ added James.

‘Random acts of violence,’ said Dorcas.

‘And a deep sense of foreboding,’ said Peter.

‘Thank you, arseholes,’ said Sirius, knocking back the rest of his um-something-th pint. ‘You know it’s a special occasion, you’re all supposed to be nice to me a –’ he glanced around, confused. ‘– where the fuck is Lily?’

‘You haven’t lost your wife already, have you?’ Marlene rolled her eyes over her gin and tonic. ‘Fuck’s sake, Black, it’s only been five hours. That’s got to be some sort of a record.’

Sirius made an obscene hand gesture as he rose from the table. He really ought to find Lily. She’d been on the sauce most of the day and Sirius doubted she was used to it. Their marriage might be an elaborate pretence but he did feel sort of responsible for her. Besides, even if Sirius wasn’t the most considerate person ever, he wasn’t enough of a git to not mind if a woman choked to death on her own vomit a matter of hours after marrying him.

He found Lily upstairs in her – their – room. The honeymoon suite. Sirius suddenly felt like he hadn’t drunk nearly enough as he tapped on the door. Lily didn’t answer, or not clearly enough for Sirius to make out what she was saying. He turned the handle and pushed open the door. Sure enough, there was Lily, looking rather the worse for wear, barefoot and scrunched up on the bed. Her face was red and blotchy, streaked with mascara.

‘Lily? Hey, Lils, are you OK?’ Sirius closed the door behind him quickly, and crossed the room to sit beside her. ‘Tell me what’s wrong.’

‘It’s nothing,’ said Lily, wiping her face furiously. ‘Just leave me alone, I’m being stupid.’

‘I thought we agreed that would be my job in this marriage,’ Sirius said, aiming for levity but only making Lily cry louder.

Realising he wasn’t going to get much out of Lily in that state, Sirius set to work and went to find the Sobriety Potion Remus had thoughtfully reminded them all to pack. A dose of the potion, a cup of tea, and a wipe with a warm flannel later, Lily was calmer and ready to talk.

‘This is why I shouldn’t get drunk,’ she said, sipping her tea. ‘It turns me into such a water fountain.’

Sirius offered her a reassuring half-smile. He’d taken a dose of potion himself and felt sober, a little headache-y, and still tightly wound. ‘I don’t think it was just the alcohol,’ he said softly.

‘No.’ Lily set her mug down, like she was making a decision and turned to face Sirius. ‘This is probably going to seem very silly to you. I think it’s a bit of a girl thing. You see, when I was a little girl I thought about getting married sometimes, tried to imagine what it would be like. I always thought I’d get married in a church – I don’t really know why, I’m not even that religious, but I liked the idea. It would be a pretty little church in the countryside and I’d wear a big frilly dress and have a whole gang of bridesmaids, including my sister. And there’d be family, and laughter, a big cake, fancy flowers, the whole lot.’

‘And who were you planning to marry?’ asked Sirius.

‘Well, I didn’t give that much thought to the groom, to be honest. I had dresses and hairstyles to think of,’ said Lily. ‘I suppose I always hoped it would be… someone who adored me. Who loved me more than anything.’

She shrugged; a small, wistful gesture that made Sirius think she was still more upset about the loss of her childhood dream than she was willing to admit. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said.

‘Don’t be,’ said Lily firmly. ‘None of this is your fault. You’ve actually been surprisingly quite nice about it all. Besides, I’m sure today wasn’t how you imagined your wedding day either.’

Sirius opted to ignore the somewhat back-handed compliment in favour of wondering how the day measured up to his own childhood imaginings of marriage. And honestly, it wasn’t so bad.

‘You know, I never expected to marry for love,’ he told Lily. ‘It’s not unheard of in families like mine, but it’s not taken for granted either. I tried very hard not to think about marriage because I fully expected to be matched to some dreadful pure-blood snob, probably a cousin, and forced to endure a piss-boring ceremony with all my arsehole relatives and not enough alcohol. So, you see, you’ve really done me a favour; today has been much better than I’d ever expected.’

Lily managed a smile at that, relaxing at little. ‘Well, I’m glad it was an improvement for one of us,’ she said. ‘Even if it’s only because your expectations were so low.’

‘You can still have your fairy-tale wedding one day,’ said Sirius. Truthfully he didn’t really understand the churches-and-fancy-dresses vision Lily had explained to him – maybe it was a girl thing or maybe it was a people who don’t expect to be married off to some raging arsehole thing – but it didn’t seem like she was asking for much. ‘This thing with us was only ever going to be temporary, right? One day the Ministry will see sense, or you can travel somewhere less parochially backwards. Then you can ditch me and go and find your true love.’

‘Got it all planned out?’ said Lily.

‘Well, not quite. But I’m sure Moony will come up with a convincing cover story when the time comes.’

‘Yeah, I had no idea he was so creative,’ said Lily. ‘Talking of Remus, we had a weird conversation earlier. He cornered me outside the pub and said that I should ask you to tell me everything.’

‘Everything?’ Sirius laughed uncertainly. Surely he didn’t mean..?

Lily shrugged. ‘He said I should let you know he’d spoken to James and Peter and they’d all agreed that you could tell me. About him and… all of you.’

Sirius took a deep breath. It was pretty obvious what Remus had meant, and it did sort of make sense to tell Lily everything. It’d be difficult to keep it a secret, and Lily was unlikely to go running her mouth off about it. Even so, years of lying about something made it hard to spell the truth out even now that he had permission for it.

‘You know, back when I was friends with Severus he used to say,’ Lily went on in a small voice. ‘Well, he had this theory about why Remus is absent from classes so much. He said that… that he’s a werewolf. Is it true?’

Still not sure how to answer, Sirius nodded silently.

‘Fuck,’ said Lily.

‘You won’t say anything?’

‘Of course not.’ Lily shook her head firmly. ‘I mean, I wouldn’t anyway, but after what you’ve done for me. Of course I’ll keep quiet.’

Sirius smiled gratefully. ‘I should’ve known you would. It doesn’t bother you?’

‘I feel bad for him mostly,’ said Lily. ‘Even Muggles think werewolves are monsters, you know. But, well, they also think witches are evil, so…’

There was a long silence, broken eventually when Sirius asked, ‘You wondering what the other thing is?’

‘Trying really hard not to be pushy.’ Lily grinned back at him.

‘OK, so, I’ve never actually told anyone this,’ said Sirius. He’d always sort of wanted to, though, and was half-excited to be able to tell Lily. He was fairly certain she wouldn’t grass him up, and she might even be a bit impressed. Well, maybe he did want to show off, just a little bit. ‘When we found out about why Moony kept disappearing every month, we wanted to help him. Plus, we sort of thought it was a bit cool – no matter how much Remus tried to tell us otherwise – but turning into an animal sounded like fun. So that’s what we decided to do. We became Animagi.’

Lily’s eyes went saucer-wide. ‘You’re an Animagus?’ she said. ‘But… but how? It’s supposed to be really difficult. And dangerous. Did McGonagall help you?’

‘I can explain the whole process another time. It’s tricky, but not that hard. It’s only dangerous if you don’t know what you’re doing. And no, McGonagall didn’t help, I didn’t need any help.’

‘Show off.’ Lily laughed affectionately. ‘Actually, do. Show me.’

Sirius really didn’t need any more encouragement. He got to his feet and shifted, and suddenly everything was black-and-white. His eyes were less sensitive, but his doggy ears and nose more than made up for it. Lily let out a delighted shriek and, so he barked back at her, joyful and proud. _Nice girl, smells good_ , and she petted his fur, laughing and ducking away when he tried to lick her face.

‘Get down, you ridiculous mutt,’ she said at last, breathless with laughter. Sirius let out one last doggy whimper, before shifting back to human.

‘Good huh?’ he said.

Lily still looked pleased. ‘I always wanted a dog,’ she admitted. ‘Couldn’t have one, though. Tuney’s allergic.’

‘Well, you’ve got one now,’ said Sirius.

Lily flushed pink. Oh, really, he hadn’t meant it like that. ‘So, um, what do the others turn into?’

‘Peter’s a rat,’ explained Sirius. ‘James is a stag.’

‘Really?’ Lily blinked. ‘That’s very…’

‘Ostentatious?’ suggested Sirius. ‘Showy? Yeah, tell me about it. He reckons he’s all noble and shit.’

‘Of course he does,’ said Lily. ‘Arrogant git. I suppose you’re just a lovable pup?’

‘You know it.’

‘Well, I just hope you’ve not got fleas,’ said Lily. ‘Or rabies.’

‘How dare you!’ Sirius pretended to growl.

‘Suits you, actually,’ said Lily after a moment’s thought. ‘You really are full of surprises, aren’t you?’

Sirius winked at her. ‘I’ve only just begun.’


	5. Chapter 5

Sirius and Lily had snuck off to marry in secret so naturally, when they got back in time for the start of Spring Term, the entire castle was talking about it. Lily had managed to avoid most of the gossip by skipping the train in favour of walking back in from Hogsmeade and sneaking back up to the dorms, but by the time she went down to breakfast it felt like the entire hall was gossiping around her. Lily wasn’t sure she could face it, and Dorcas reminded her that the boys had given them directions to sneak into the kitchens. It wasn’t really behaviour befitting the Head Girl, but it there were extenuating circumstances.

They’d barely made it halfway before running straight into Professor McGonagall.

‘Ah, Miss Meadowes, Miss McKinnon,’ she said, fixing each of them in turn with a beady stare. ‘Mrs Black.’

Lily had never felt so much like she might pass out on the spot.

‘I’m sure you young ladies are most eager to get to your first class, but I must urge you all to go to breakfast first,’ continued McGonagall. 

‘Yes, Professor,’ the three muttered, more or less in unison.

They went to head off to breakfast, but McGonagall caught Lily’s elbow as she passed. ‘I will speak with you and Mr Black in my office after your final class.’

Lily nodded mutely and walked on.

‘Are you actually calling yourself that?’ hissed Dorcas. ‘Lily Black?’

Lily flinched. There was no denying that it sounded like the worst wannabe Goth name. ‘Sirius was actually willing to be the one to change his name,’ she said. ‘But in the end we decided this would annoy his mother far more.’

‘Glad to see you’re still treating the institution of marriage with all the seriousness it deserves,’ said Marlene. ‘And it’s one less thing for those conservative twats at the Ministry to go off on one about.’

‘Exactly,’ agreed Lily. ‘So what if I sound like I’m about to take up a career writing poetry about unicorns and loneliness? Still better than – ’

‘– than getting your wand snapped?’ finished Dorcas. It had become a bit of a catchphrase.

‘Exactly.’

#

‘I believe congratulations are in order.’

Lily shuffled uncomfortably, feeling far worse about trying to deceive her head of house than she had about telling whoppers to the entire school all day. It took her a moment to realise that Sirius was reaching for her hand and, oh yeah, maybe they shouldn’t be standing yards apart. 

‘Thank you, professor,’ said Sirius, beaming. ‘We can’t tell you how much your support means to us.’

He was laying it on a bit thick, and Lily wondered if she shouldn’t intervene. On second thoughts, Sirius had far more experience telling bald-faced lies to teachers, so it was probably best just to let him do all the talking. She smiled at him in what she hoped looked like a suitably adoring fashion.

‘Indeed,’ said McGonagall. She sounded like she didn’t believe a word of it, though that could just be how she always spoke to Sirius. ‘It has been some time since Hogwarts has counted a married couple within the student body. In the past, most have opted to live outside the grounds, and travel in daily for classes.’

‘We don’t have to leave, do we?’ asked Sirius, sounding genuinely alarmed. Lily squeezed his hand as a show of support, and tried not to mind too much when he shook it off. ‘There are no rules against students getting married, we checked.’

McGonagall’s expression softened. ‘Of course not,’ she said. ‘I have arranged private quarters for you here in Gryffindor tower. I hope they will be to your liking.’

‘I thought we’d have to stay in our dorms,’ said Lily. It seemed like foolish thing to say, to have even thought, like she was some sort of a child. McGonagall’s rather pitying expression on made her feel worse.

‘You’d both better come with me,’ said McGonagall, and she led them out of her office.

#

The following weeks proved difficult in ways Lily hadn’t anticipated. Sirius was clearly unhappy at having to move out of the dormitory he’d shared with his friends. Though he made the effort not to take it out on Lily, he was still grumpy and withdrawn, and Lily really didn’t know how to shake him out of it. She wondered fifty, maybe a hundred times a day if she’d made a terrible mistake, that Sirius would end up hating her. Possibly his sense of the dramatic was rubbing off on her.

They might have fallen victim to mutual discomfort and resentment if not, ironically, for the Ministry’s intervention. It wasn’t even a month since they’d returned to Hogwarts when a third-year student ran up to Lily on the stairs with a message from Professor McGonagall to go to her office at once. They’d not even had breakfast.

‘Sirius. Lily. Thank you both for coming so quickly. Do sit down.’

Professor McGonagall’s friendly tone was cause enough for concern, as was her use of their given names. Most worrying of all, though, was the presence of two Ministry officials in her office. One, a large man whose wiry black beard did nothing to hide his scowl, gave Lily a look of deep dislike as she sat down on the chair McGonagall indicated. The other was a tiny witch with fidgety fingers who offered a small, encouraging smile.

Lily wondered if it was possible that, despite most of them not knowing how to tune in a TV set, the Ministry appeared to have picked up on the “good cop, bad cop” routine. Professor McGonagall introduced them as Malfada Hopkirk and Albert Runcorn from the Ministry’s newly established Magical Protection Unit, which dealt with infractions of the new regulations.

‘We are not here for small talk,’ said Runcorn abruptly. ‘The Ministry have instructed us to investigate a complaint regarding your marriage.’

‘Why would anyone complain to the Ministry about us?’ asked Sirius, in an impressive display of wide-eyed innocence.

‘We have received an allegation that you have entered into a sham marriage,’ explained Hopkirk.

Lily glanced about anxiously, her heart pounding in her chest. They’d always known this was a possibility, of course, though she’d optimistically hoped that maybe they’d just be able to fly under the Ministry’s radar, at least for a while. Still was no time to panic, though; this was time for her to play her part.

‘What’s a sham marriage?’

Runcorn sneered at her. ‘A fake marriage, entered into to allow one party to access benefits to which they are not entitled,’ he said. ‘Specifically, to undermine the Ministry’s efforts to uphold the purity of the wizarding race.’

Lily felt sick. She could sense Sirius stiffening beside her, no doubt desperate to treat Runcorn to a lengthy description of exactly what he thought about the Ministry’s efforts to “uphold the purity of the wizarding race” and exactly where they could stick their fucking decree. Not that Lily would’ve disagreed, but it probably wouldn’t help.

‘That is a very serious accusation,’ said McGonagall, before anyone could say anything more incriminating. ‘I trust you have evidence to support it.’

‘That’s what we’re here to find out,’ said Runcorn in a nasty, superior drawl. ‘Mr Black comes from an excellent family. Marriage to the eldest son of one of the Sacred 28 would certainly offer an opportunity for social advancement, wouldn’t it, _Mrs Black_?’ He curled the name with distaste, like he knew it to be a lie. Which, of course, it was, but Lily didn’t feel any the less offended for that.

‘I hope you don’t imagine I only married Sirius because he’s a pure-blood,’ said Lily. Quickly determining Hopkirk to be the more amenable of the pair, she smiled at her. ‘He’s handsome, clever, passionate… half the girls in the school are in love with him, you know.’ She glanced back at Sirius, doing her best to look suitably soppy. ‘I’m so lucky.’

Runcorn snorted, but mercifully didn’t comment.

‘ _I’m_ the lucky one,’ said Sirius, picking up on Lily’s lead. ‘Lily’s not just the prettiest girl in the school, she’s brilliant and she’s Head Girl. She’s the only woman who’s a match for me and I don’t care who her parents were.’

‘I see from your wife’s records that she is indeed a very capable student. Her marks in Potions are outstanding,’ said Runcorn. He turned to Lily with an unpleasant smile on his face. ‘I’m sure you can tell me the ingredients in Amortentia?’

‘How _dare_ you!’ Sirius was on his feet in an instant, leaning across the desk to glare at Runcorn. ‘Lily would never do something like that: she’s actually got some morals, not like the shower of arseholes running the Ministry these days.’

Sirius looked very much like he might have more to say on the subject, possibly turning his wand or his fists onto Runcorn to emphasise the point, but McGonagall managed to quiet him by placing a bony hand on his shoulder, gently pushing him back into his seat.

‘That’s quite enough of that language,’ she said firmly. She turned her beady gaze on Runcorn, who appeared to be about to say something, until McGonagall raised her hand for silence. ‘I must ask you again to refrain from bandying about unfounded accusations concerning my students.’

‘He’s certainly behaving like someone with something to hide,’ said Runcorn.

‘I daresay a great number of young men would react similarly upon seeing their brides insulted to their faces.’ McGonagall spoke curtly, the thin set of her lips showing she was every bit as furious as Sirius, though she contained it much better. Lily found herself both touched and alarmed by both their protective moods. ‘My house is known for chivalry, after all.’

Malfada Hopkirk, who had been quiet for most of the meeting, cleared her throat, surprising everyone. ‘We are, of course, only investigating a complaint at this point,’ she said, and Lily felt a surge of hope that she was directing the comment as much at Runcorn as anyone else. ‘I trust the Ministry can rely on your full co-operation?

Lily said, ‘of course,’ a little too enthusiastically, just as Sirius muttered and McGonagall agreed politely. Then _finally_ they were allowed to go.

‘Ugh, what a cock,’ muttered Lily as she and Sirius made their way down to the Great Hall. ‘He's really got it in for us, hasn't he?'

'You're very sexy when you swear, you know.' Sirius grinned back at her. The boy was full of surprises - Lily had fully expected him to be in a temper after their first run-in with the Ministry, but if anything he seemed to be rather enjoying himself. Possibly he was just more used to being in trouble than Lily was.

'Fuck's sake,' she muttered, grabbing his sleeve and pulling him along the corridor. 'You're having far too much fun with this.'

Sirius at least had the decency to look at bit sheepish. 'Maybe,' he agreed. 'But I thought you'd rather I went for making the most of putting one over the Ministry rather than punching that git Runcorn like he deserves.'

'Point,' agreed Lily. There was something a bit fun about the way Sirius was treating this like a prank they were pulling together on the Ministry. It was nice, the sense of camaraderie she felt with him, like it was the two of them against the world. Well, they were friends, after all.

They'd reached the end of the corridor, the point where it opened up to the staircase leading downstairs towards the Hall. Lily was still holding onto Sirius as she ducked into an alcove, where they were half-hidden by a suit of armour. 

'The over-protective rage thing is fine in small doses, but we can't afford to antagonise anyone from the Ministry too much,' she said as Sirius squeezed into the space beside her. There wasn't room for them to stand properly apart.

'Are you going to be terribly upset that anyone might question the sanctity of our love and need me to comfort you?' asked Sirius.

'Hm, and you'll want me to soothe your outrage with my womanly wiles?' said Lily. 'I'm afraid you'll have to make do, only I've not got any Love Potions on me right now.'

'I still can't believe that dick said that,' said Sirius.

'I know, but if you must duel someone for my honour can you not make it someone who'll get you sent straight to Azkaban?' said Lily. She leant around Sirius, peering out into the corridor, though there were only a few late risers running down to breakfast. 'For now you need to play at being more of a lover than a fighter.'

'I can do that,' agreed Sirius. 'So are we going to let them catch us snogging or do you want to pretend to cry while I hold you manfully in my arms?'

Lily bit her lip, not quite looking Sirius in the eye. They'd pretended to kiss loads of times; there was no need for her to keep getting embarrassed about it. 'Let's stick to the snogging,' she said. 'I don't think my mascara's waterproof.'

Sirius moved a little closer, which was an achievement considering they were already sharing a very confined space. 'I reckon you're getting to quite like snogging me.'

'Yeah, well, it stops you talking,' said Lily, and she gave a sharp tug on Sirius' tie, pulling him towards her. He half-laughed as their lips met, but kissed her anyway, slow and smooth. Lily let go of his tie, moving her hands to circle Sirius' neck, her fingers brushing the tips of his hair. Sirius' kisses were gentle at first, closed-mouthed and almost chaste, becoming deeper as they went on until Lily moaned softly, her lips parting to accept his tongue. Did they really need tongues when they were only kissing for show? Lily decided not to think about that in favour of allowing her own to explore the wet heat of Sirius' mouth.

She'd expected, when she pulled Sirius into the alcove, that they'd be interrupted and sent on their way to breakfast or to class after a couple of minutes. After a while, though, Lily became dimly aware that the corridor had fallen silent and there was no-one else around, no-one to catch them. There was no need for them to keep going. She could tell Sirius to stop.

Lily didn't stop. She kept on kissing Sirius, her hands tangled in his hair, pulling him closer to her. Sirius held tightly onto her waist, his thumbs only just slipping under the hem of her blouse. It seemed almost like he wanted to touch her, that maybe soon he'd move his hands up under Lily's blouse, ready to explore her body and take hold of her breasts. Lily realised that suddenly she didn't care about putting on a show anymore. She was enjoying kissing Sirius, more than enjoying it, she wanted more. She wanted him to touch her, to feel his hands on her and, maybe, from the fevered depth his kisses, he wanted it too.

'Oi, Lils, put him down,' came a voice - a horrible voice of disappointment and piss-poor timing - ‘you don't know where he's been.'

'Hi, Dorcas,' said Lily, struggling to return her breathing to normal and extricate herself from Sirius' embrace.

'We're glad to see you're over the whole live sex show embarrassment, but we've got Charms in five minutes,' said Marlene, with an altogether too triumphant grin.

'Someone could stand to learn some,' muttered Sirius.

'Yes, well, when you've both pulled yourselves together we'll see you in class, yeah?' Marlene just laughed, talking Dorcas' hand as they walked away together.

'Sorry about them,' said Lily. 'My friends are terrible, I know.'

Sirius shrugged. 'Could've been worse,' he said. 'At least it wasn't my friends who caught us.'

#

Their rather heated snogging session, which might very well have turned into more than just snogging, could've made things awkward, but Sirius was soon distracted with the twin tasks of deceiving the Ministry and working out who had grassed them up in the first place, and Lily decided it was easier just to run with it. She wasn't hugely surprised that Sirius and his friends possessed an extensive range of listening devices, though she was impressed with the quality. She was equally impressed, and slightly moved, by the way Hogwarts staff responded to the Ministry's questioning. 

_I would, of course, have preferred they waited until after they'd both completed their education_ , they heard Professor McGonagall say with a sniff. _But young love never did wait for reason. They do make a fine pair_. 

Professor Slughorn, perhaps more predictably, attempted to claim credit for his supposed role in their romance. _Yes, of course, I knew from the off they were made for each other_ , he told Runcorn and Hopkirk. _Young Lily's a tremendous girl, you know, full of spirit. Just what Sirius needs to keep him in line, o-ho!_

'Will you, Lily,' asked Sirius, as they eavesdropped from a nearby cupboard. 'Will you keep me in line?'

'I've been practising my hexes especially,' said Lily. 'Now, shush.'

It was heartening, really, how all the Professors interrogated by the Ministry took a similar line, expressing a fond indulgence of Sirius and Lily as young sweethearts. Lily was fairly sure that most of them didn't believe it, and was touched by the way they offered their support in the face of the Ministry's bullying anyway. Their friends were also supportive, although in rather less polite ways.

'I told Sirius not to rush into things, of course,' said Remus, possibly the only words of truth to have passed his lips that week. 'We all joked that he was afraid Lily would come to her senses and realise she's far too good for him. Not that it'll ever happen, of course, they're both as daft as each other. Still, I'm glad I don't have to pass on love notes at prefect meetings anymore.'

'And we don't have to put up with Sirius composing sonnets in the shower every morning,' added Peter.

'That is a blessing, yes,' said Remus.

Marlene and Dorcas both managed to suppress their own sarcasm and innate bitchiness in favour of telling a string of charming anecdotes about Sirius enlisting the help of the Hogwarts house-elves to fill the girls' dormitory with flowers for Lily, and Lily keeping them awake nights with lengthy monologues about Sirius' hair.

'I do have excellent hair,' said Sirius.

'It's almost as impressive as your ego,' agreed Lily.

It was James, though, who really shone.

'Look, I know you're probably thinking the whole thing was rather sudden, but I'm afraid that's my fault,' he explained. 'I had a bit of a crush on Lily myself - you can ask anyone, I was forever making a fool out of myself trying to impress her. And, Sirius, you know, he's my best mate, he didn't want me to get hurt. He and Lily were made for each other, though, it was bound to happen eventually. They even tried to keep it quiet to avoid embarrassing me, that's how good they both are.'

'An alternative explanation for the speed of your friends’ courtship could be that their marriage is a pretence,' suggested Runcorn.

'That doesn't make any sense,' said James. 'If Lily just wanted to marry a pure-blood for selfish reasons she didn't have to choose Sirius. I'd have married her if she'd asked, and it would've been a lot easier for her because my family would've actually supported us, even if it it really was a sham. She didn't, though. She chose Sirius.'

'You're telling me this marriage is genuine?' asked Runcorn, sounding deeply sceptical.

James smiled beatifically. 'I solemnly swear it.'


	6. Chapter 6

Sirius waited a until it was time for Care of Magical Creatures, one of the few classes he didn't share with Lily, to meet up with the boys for a spot of reconnaissance. Peter made short work of sneaking into the room Runcorn and Hopkirk were using as a temporary office, shifting into rat form while Sirius, James, and Remus all kept lookout from different directions.

'Well?' demanded Sirius, the moment Peter returned.

'No great surprises,' said Peter. 'I found two letters in Hopkirk's file. One was from your parents and it was... well, I'm sure you can imagine.'

Sirius scowled. He definitely could imagine. 'And the other?'

'Anonymous, but I recognised the handwriting. Anyone could check,' said Peter. 'It was Snape.'

'That greasy little shit,' fumed Sirius. 'I'll fucking murder him.'

'He'll get what's coming,' agreed James, looking wonderfully ready to aid and abet Sirius' plans at revenge. Just as soon as Sirius worked out what they would be.

'Maybe not be too hasty,' said Remus. 'He obviously wants to get you into trouble, don't just fly off the handle and play into his hands.

'It's not me he's fucking over this time,' said Sirius. 'I might get a bit of a bollocking for it, but it's Lily who'd lose her wand at best, and fuck knows whatever else at worst. That creepy little bastard, I can't believe Lily used to be friends with him.'

'Friends, right.' Peter rolled his eyes. 'He fancied her.'

'HE WHAT?' said Sirius. Fucking nerve of him, the oily little weirdo, wanting to get his grubby little hands on Lily. Not that Sirius was... well, he was just feeling protective of his friend, wasn't he?

James seemed amused, while Remus eyed him warily. 'Padfoot, I think it's best if you leave this one alone,' he warned. 'The Ministry are already watching you, and if you get caught threatening one of their informants it'll look bad for you.'

'Not as bad as I'll make them look for Snivellus,' muttered Sirius darkly. 'I'll teach him to fuck around with Lily.'

Remus looked more worried than ever. 'I don't think you should be drawing attention to yourself.'

'Padfoot never does anything without drawing attention to himself,' said James. 'This time it might actually work in your favour, though.'

'How's that?' asked Peter.

'Because much as we need to get even with Snivelly, our first priority has to be to discredit him,' said James, shooting Sirius a conspiratorial grin. 'All you have to do is wind him up a bit, see if you can't provoke him into throwing a jealous temper tantrum in public.'

Sirius nodded. Good old Prongs, always reliable. 'That's brilliant, mate.'

Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. 'Just try to remember you're meant to be getting him in trouble, not yourself.'

'Trouble, me?' Sirius flashed him a toothy grin. 'I'll have you know I'm a very respectable married man.'

#

Sirius planned to wait until later to tell Lily about the whole Snape thing - no need to make her worry - but that plan was somewhat undermined when he finally tracked old Snivelly down, only to find him in a heated conversation with the lady herself as she walked back towards the castle from the greenhouses. It might've been prudent to stop and listen in first but, well, Sirius had never been the "wait and see" type, not when "barging in, wand at the ready" was an option.

'Is this person bothering you?' he asked loudly as he marched up to Lily.

She glanced anxiously between Sirius and Snape, before hold her hand out to Sirius. 'Not anymore,' she said, forcing a smile. 'C'mon, let's go.'

Sirius didn't miss the imploring look Snape gave her as Lily turned to go. 'I'll thank you not to harass my wife in future,' he said, “accidentally” knocking Snape towards a Howling Hydrangea as went.

'Please, you're not fooling anyone,' said Snape. 'As if Lily would fall for a worthless blood traitor like you.'

Sirius let out a loud, hollow laugh. Lily had let go of his hand and was drifting away slowly. There was a small crowd gathering. Excellent.

'It surely can't have escaped your attention, Snivellus, that Lily married me,' said Sirius. 'So spare her your pathetic, jealous pleading and leave us both in peace.'

'We all know why she did it,' said Snape, his face contorting into a sneer. Merlin's knob, but he was a foul piece of work.

'And why might that be?' said Sirius. He knew exactly what Snape was implying, but doubted he had the guts to say it out loud. 'Bowled over by my good looks and charm, I know. Or maybe it's just that women can't resist a man who knows how to use shampoo. You should try it sometime.'

'Hardly,' said Snape.

'Perhaps you should ask her?' said Sirius. He turned back to glance at Lily, who was standing with her hands on her hips, looking irritated, though Sirius wasn't sure who with.

'You can't...' Snape looked at Lily, with a pathetic, pleading expression on his face. 'Why?'

Lily glanced from Snape to Sirius, then at the gathering crowd of students hanging about, making on the most perfunctory of efforts to pretend they weren't eavesdropping. 'It's just,' she said, her face poker-straight. 'He's got a really big cock.'

Snape spluttered desperately, while the watching crowd erupted in titters. Sirius threw back his head and laughed. Merlin, Lily was glorious.

'I know it's not real!' Snape whispered venomously. 'I know what you're up to, both of you.'

Sirius moved quickly, pinning Snape against the glass of the nearest greenhouse and whispering into his ear. 'I don't actually give a fuck what you think is going on between me and Lily. But I want you to know that if your pathetic jealousy is the reason for her getting forced out of our world I will fucking destroy you, do you understand me?'

He took a step back, grinning cockily while Snape looked at him with deepest loathing. 

'And just so you know, my wife doesn't have to fake anything with me,' Sirius finished.

Snape looked like he was ready to launch himself at Sirius, possibly without so much as reaching for his wand.

'Come on, darling,' said Lily softly, taking hold of Sirius' arm. 'Let's go. He's not worth it.'

'Are you alright?' asked Sirius once they made it up the castle steps, away from the crowd.

'I'm fine,' said Lily, a touch wearily. 'You're kind of a dick, you know.'

'Yeah, a massive one, apparently.' Sirius wiggled his eyebrows.

Lily laughed. 'I can't believe I said that.'

'It was amazing,' Sirius assured her. He lowered his voice, leaning to whisper in her ear. 'Absolutely true, in case you were wondering.'

'Well, thank goodness,' said Lily, rolling her eyes. 'I'm so glad I didn't inadvertently lie about the size of your knob. That would be dishonest.'

#

Even marriage and an ongoing Ministry investigation didn’t put N.E.W.T.s on hold, so Sirius reluctantly allowed Lily to drag him to the library to do a spot of work occasionally. Well, Lily hit the books at any rate, while Sirius slumped on the desk, occasionally answering questions on Transfiguration in return for Lily scratching him behind his ears. It felt really nice.

‘Trying to train Padfoot to behave himself?’ James’s voice shook Sirius out of his peaceful near-slumber. ‘Don’t let him have a biscuit unless sits up and begs.’

‘Any more of that and you’ll be the one begging for mercy,’ said Sirius as he pulled himself upright, reluctantly letting Lily’s hand fall from his hair. 

James just laughed and pulled up a chair. ‘You two should both start being nice to me, because I’m the bearer of glad tidings.’

‘You’re pregnant?’ said Sirius.

‘You’re abandoning Quidditch to become Hogwarts macramé champion?’ suggested Lily.

‘Funny, but no,’ said James. ‘I wrote to my folks about your Ministry problem, and they’ve been more than happy to help.’

Sirius frowned in apprehension. The Potters were lovely, they truly were, but they’d already done more than enough for him. He felt guilty about asking any more, even if it was technically James who had done the asking.

‘Stop looking like that, they _like_ helping,’ said James, rolling his eyes. ‘Anyway, they’re hugely offended that the Ministry would accuse their adopted second son of entering into a sham marriage, and have demanded a meeting to tell them so. At some length.’

Lily glanced over anxiously. ‘Do they think…?’

‘Nah, they know it’s all a lie. Didn’t make them any less angry about some jumped-up twerp at the Ministry _calling_ it a lie.’ James beamed proudly. ‘It’s all worked out quite nicely. Everyone knows about Sirius moving in with us, and about how he’s never seen eye-to-eye with his parents on the whole “inbreeding for a better future” palaver. It was pretty easy for them to point out that the House of Black was no place for a boy who’d fallen in love with a Muggle-born witch, and of course he knew his parents would never accept their marriage.’

‘So they didn’t exactly lie?’ Lily observed astutely.

‘Our Prongsie didn’t get his devious nature from nothing, you know,’ said Sirius. 

‘That’s not all,’ said James. ‘A little birdie tells me – I say birdie, I mean eavesdropping rat Animagus, obviously – that Snivellus has ‘fessed up to being a jealous, bitter, prick and withdrawn his complaint.’

The news seemed to unsettle Lily. She nibbled her fingernails, only flinching a little when Sirius slapped her hand away. ‘He went and spoke to the Ministry himself?’ she asked.

Sirius very much doubted that Snape had, in fact, done anything out of the goodness of his heart, even if he had worked out just how dangerous his bleating to the Ministry had been to Lily. A glance over at James confirmed his suspicions that Snape had been given some help moving his conscience along. Shame there was no getting much past Lily, who noticed at once.

‘What did you do?’ she asked James.

‘Used my powers of persuasion for good,’ said James. ‘Don’t worry, I didn’t do anything terrible. Just pointed out a few home truths, that’s all.’

Lily nodded, her brows furrowed. ‘Well, I’m glad that Severus did say something, whatever the reason,’ she said. ‘It can’t have been easy for him to speak up like that. Maybe there really is some good left in him.’

‘Still giving him the benefit of the doubt?’ said Sirius. ‘You’re too nice, you know.’

‘I’m practically a saint,’ said Lily. ‘It’s what keeps me the patience to tolerate marriage to you without committing murder, or at least minor assaults, on a regular basis.’

‘And here I was thinking it was because I’m so _enormously_ gifted.’

‘I’m the one with a gift for fiction, thank you for reminding me.’

James coughed loudly. Sirius realised, perhaps belatedly, that he and Lily had been leaning closer together as they spoke. ‘I’ll leave you two lovebirds to it, shall I?’ he said as he got to his feet.

‘Prongs…’ began Sirius warily.

‘Don’t mind me,’ said James, wiggling his eyebrows. ‘Have fun with your _pretend_ flirting. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.’

‘What’s up with him?’ asked Lily once James was out of earshot.

Sirius shook his head. ‘I’ve spent a lot of time wondering that myself.’

#

‘The Ministry are satisfied there is no case to answer,’ said Runcorn, looking thoroughly displeased about it. ‘At this point.’

Hopkirk, least, managed to show _some_ humility for the hassle the Ministry had put them through. ‘The Ministry appreciates your co-operation,’ she said. ‘And we apologise for any inconvenience.’

Runcorn snorted, giving Hopkirk a dirty look. Sirius suspected that, had she been more amenable, he might well have reported back to the Ministry that Sirius and Lily were dangerous criminals who needed to be stopped immediately, regardless of the evidence either way. As it was, he had to settle for trying to intimidate them. ‘We’ll keep an eye on you. Should the Ministry receive any intelligence that either of you are undermining wizarding values, we will not hesitate to act.’

‘If the Ministry receives any intelligence at all, I’m sure we’ll be very excited,’ said Sirius, deliberately sounding haughty and bored.

‘You’d better watch your step,’ said Runcorn, pointing a long finger at Sirius, before turning to glare at Lily. ‘Both of you.’

Lily just smiled, nice as pie. ‘You’ve got carrot in your beard, did you know?’

Runcorn scowled and stalked off, with Hopkirk muttering goodbyes and scurrying in his wake. He did, Sirius noticed, run a hand over his beard, checking for stray vegetables as he went.

‘Nice one,’ said Sirius, wrapping his arm around Lily’s shoulders as they watched Hopkirk and Runcorn depart.

Well, that was one battle won.

#

Valentine’s Day had never been Sirius’ favourite thing – too much fluffy pink silliness combined with the risk of accidentally ingesting Amortentia and spending the day reciting sonnets to some tedious minger. Valentine’s Day as a married man, though, was just _weird_. James’s knowing looks were bad enough, without Dorcas collaring him on the way back from Care of Magical Creatures to “quietly” share her thoughts about which scented massage oils Lily would prefer.

‘Thank you, Dorcas, that’s very enlightening,’ said Sirius as they strolled across the lawns. ‘Talking of oiled and excitable, where’s your girlfriend?’

‘Bunked off to go lingerie shopping with your wife,’ said Dorcas. She was _such_ a little shit sometimes; Sirius couldn’t help but like her.

‘Is that why you’re in such a mood?’ asked Sirius. ‘Worried they might run off together?’

‘Not in the least,’ said Dorcas, looking far too smug. ‘Why, are you?’

Sirius shook his head. ‘Lily can do what she likes.’

‘And who she likes?’

That wasn’t a question Sirius much wanted to consider. Dorcas didn’t leave him much time to think on it though, waving goodbye with a laugh as she sped off to her next class. Well, Sirius had better things to do than worry about what she was on about.

#

‘I hear you spent the afternoon trying on knickers with Marlene.’

Sirius had his feet up on the coffee table as he lounged on the sofa beside Lily. She was sitting awfully close, considering the sofa was very large – almost as though Professor McGonagall had known someone would be using it as a bed when she arranged their married quarters. It was comfortable, though, and as good a place as any to sink too much red wine and piles of over-priced, overly-sweet heart shaped chocolates.

‘You what?’ said Lily. ‘I was with Professor Slughorn most of the afternoon.’

‘I hope that didn’t involve Marlene or new knickers.’

‘Might’ve been more fun if it _did_.’ Lily frowned. ‘Although, maybe not with Professor Slughorn. Ugh, I can’t believe you made me think about that. I need more wine.’

‘Your wish is my command,’ said Sirius grandly, holding out the bottle to her. The wine sloshed and spilled over, but Lily knocked back another glass as best she could. Sirius didn’t want to risk wasting any wine himself, so he settled for drinking straight from the bottle.

Wine successfully imbibed (mostly), Lily sighed and leant back, relaxing her head on Sirius’ shoulder. ‘I’m sorry you’ve ended up stuck here with me,’ she said. ‘I’m sure you could’ve found more fun ways to spend Valentine’s Day.’

Sirius didn’t think spending the evening drinking and laughing with Lily was so bad. No-one had invited him to Madam Puddifoot’s, so he didn’t have to worry about Moony making him feel guilty for turning them down too rudely, _and_ he was missing the spectacle of Prongs trying to help Wormtail write romantic poetry. Why Wormtail thought a walking disaster like Prongs could help improve his love life was a mystery to Sirius although, to be fair, it wasn’t like there was anyone better qualified he could ask.

‘I’ve had worse,’ he said. He leant into Lily, enjoying the way her hair tickled his cheek. It smelt really good too.

‘Maybe.’ Lily sounded distant, thoughtful. ‘It doesn’t bother you, how pretending to be with me puts a damper on you going out with anyone else?’

‘Not like there was anyone else I really wanted,’ said Sirius. ‘I’m not really fussed about romance. Friends are more important. We’re friends now, aren’t we?’

‘Yeah.’ Lily tilted her head to look up at Sirius, smiling affectionately. It made her look really pretty. ‘What about sex?’

It would be just like Lily to joke about something like that when she was practically sprawled all over him, so Sirius raised an eyebrow in a vaguely challenging fashion while asking, ‘Is that an offer?’

Surprisingly, Lily flushed a rather lovely shade of pink. ‘Maybe?’ she said cautiously. ‘I mean, it’s not exactly going to be easy for either of us to do with anyone else and, well, I’m not sure I fancy having to choose between celibacy and risking the Ministry hauling me in for questioning, and I doubt you do either.’

Sirius hadn’t really stopped to think about how marrying Lily would put the kibosh on his own dating opportunities. He was more than aware that people said not stopping to think things through was pretty much standard for him, but honestly, with Lily talking about sex and all but purring in his ear, he was finding it difficult to think about anything at all.

‘Right,’ was all he managed to say, nodding tightly.

‘Like you said, we are friends,’ Lily went on. ‘And friends sometimes have, y’know, an arrangement.’

‘An arrangement where we…?’

‘Fuck,’ said Lily. There was something gleefully naughty about how her lips curled around the word that went straight to Sirius’ cock. It took an extraordinary amount of willpower to control himself.

‘Just how drunk are you?’ he asked.

Lily moved so that she was kneeling beside Sirius, leaning over him. ‘Drunk enough for at least a semi-plausible level of deniability if you turn me down flat,’ she said. ‘Not drunk enough for you to feel obliged to.’

‘That’s just exactly the right about drunk.’

‘Isn’t it?’ Lily’s breath was hot on Sirius’ neck, the fingers of one hand splayed across his chest. Sirius had no memory of reaching for her, but his own hands were already grasping her hips.

‘Yeah,’ he breathed, as Lily’s mouth finally moved to meet his own.

Kissing without pretence was new, for all the carefully-choreographed snogging they’d indulged in over the previous weeks. Lily’d always been quiet before, but now she was making wonderful, breathy little sounds, moaning into his mouth. And Sirius had always had to maintain a bit of distance between them which, yeah, might’ve started off as being about Sirius’ own innate stand-offishness, but lately had been more about not letting on how often he got hard from kissing Lily.

That was exciting, not having to be so careful about where he put his hands, so Sirius slipped them inside Lily’s blouse, fingers splayed to cup her breasts. Lily sighed and bucked against him, her nipples growing hard beneath the lacy fabric of her bra. They were both, Sirius considered, wearing far too many clothes.

‘Bed, now.’ He tried to whisper into Lily’s ear, but it came out more like a growl.

‘Fuck, yeah.’

They both tore at each other, scrabbling to unfasten buttons and yanking away clothing, with more frenzy than finesse. It was a breaking tidal wave, raw and unstoppable, a messy outpouring of pent-up desires and clumsy, ill-formed longing. Lily’s fingernails scraped painfully across Sirius’ chest and he swore under his breath as he fumbled with the catch on her bra. Eventually, after a tussle that was both startlingly short and far too long they were both naked, free to touch and taste and see everything as they rolled onto the bed together.

Lily was very pretty, Sirius had always known that, but seeing her naked was fucking _amazing_. He pressed damp, open mouthed kisses down her neck, across her pale, freckle-dusted shoulders, and over the soft swell of her breasts. Lily’s tits were frankly spectacular; now that he was free to touch them at last, Sirius didn’t think he’d ever want to take his hands or his mouth off them, marvelling at how full and heavy they felt beneath his palm, the way her nipples puckered into hard little stubs as he sucked on them.

‘Fucking hell, Sirius.’ Lily gasped, deep and breathless, and Sirius very nearly came just from the sound of her.

‘Yeah?’ He looked up at her, doing his best to look cocky and cool, not like he wasn’t very nearly falling to pieces. ‘What do you want?’

‘Everything,’ said Lily, the greedy little madam.

Sirius grinned, licked his lips, and squeezed her breasts. The way Lily moaned made him feel a little more assured, vaguely triumphant that she was desperate for him too. ‘I’d better give it to you, then.’

Without giving Lily time to respond he scooted down, moved her knees apart, and pressed his face between her thighs. He inhaled deeply, pressing his nose into the pale curls of her pubic hair, savouring the scent of her. She was so wet, sweet and juicy, and when Sirius started to lick her cunt she cried out, wrapping her legs around his neck and grasping at his hair. The sharp pain from Lily tugging at his hair only drove Sirius on, and he licked her, greedy and fast, his tongue diving into her cunt and whorling around her clit.

The pitch of Lily’s moans grew higher as Lily started to come, raggedly desperate, thighs shaking and hips bucking wantonly. Sirius hauled himself up onto his knees, biting his lip as he concentrated on not coming himself before he even got to fuck her. He was trembling as he lined his aching hard cock against her, coating himself in the slick slide from her pussy. 

‘Fuck me,’ said Lily. She looked directly at Sirius, her lips sinfully red and her eyes fiercely intent. ‘Fuck me hard.’

Sirius just groaned as he thrust into her, eyes shut as he buried himself balls-deep into the wonderful, welcoming heat of her body. He leant forward so they were mouth to mouth, kissing, touching. He didn’t ever want to stop but felt like he might almost die from the need to come. He kept moving, fucking Lily as deep and as hard as he could, loving every bit of it, how overwhelmingly good she felt. It was almost too good; Lily’s tongue in his mouth, her perfect, wonderful tits in his hand, the tight wet heat of her cunt around his cock. He came hard and fast, deep inside her, with a desperate grunt that felt like it had been wretched from the very depths of him.

‘Fucking hell,’ muttered Lily, with breathless inelegance, and all Sirius could manage was a muttered _fuck yeah_ of agreement. 

Eventually, Sirius got his breath back enough to pull his softening cock out and protect them both from unpleasant stickiness by casting the wandless Cleaning Charm that all boys learn first (well, second). Lily looked uncertain for a moment, and Sirius hoped she didn’t think… well, that she knew he wouldn’t be a dick about things. He pulled her to him as he lay back on the pillows and Lily seemed pleased, smiling as she rested her head on his shoulder.

‘In case you were still wondering, Lils, that is definitely not the worst way to spend Valentines,’ he said.

‘Mm.’ Lily murmured her agreement. ‘We’re doing that again, right?’

Sirius yawned, happily blissed-out, and pressed a kiss to the top of Lily’s head. Lovely Lily, with her amazing body and her wonderful ideas.

‘Definitely.’

#

They didn’t wait long, waking up to fuck again in the middle of the night, and in the morning Sirius crept up behind Lily as she brushed her teeth to make her come on his fingers and then she sucked him off in the shower. It might have been weird, after, but somehow it wasn’t. Maybe Sirius and Lily had already crossed the threshold of ‘weird’ so thoroughly there was nothing left, but everything seemed perfectly normal as Lily got dressed and dried her hair, and then announced she was spending the morning working on Ancient Runes with Dorcas, and maybe she’d see Sirius at lunch?

Left alone with only his own thoughts for company Sirius felt restless and itchy, unable to settle to eat or nap or make up alternative rude clues to the crossword. Eventually he realised there was nothing else for it; he was going to have to lower himself to Peter’s level and go and ask James for advice.

#

‘So you slept with Lily?’ James did that thing where he pushed his glasses up his nose, looking perturbed and vaguely judgemental. ‘Is there a problem or did you just come here to boast?’

Sirius glanced between Peter and Remus, hoping for support, but came up blank. Peter still seemed to be sulking rather (possibly Sirius had overreacted a bit when he discovered they were using his old bed as some sort of rodent adventure playground) and Remus was rolling his eyes so hard he’d be lucky if they didn’t fall right out of his head.

‘I’d like to point out,’ he said, using his long-suffering prefect voice, ‘that I did warn you that something like this might happen.’

It was quite true of course. Out of all of them, Remus had been the least enthusiastic when Sirius had announced his plan to marry Lily. It was quite sweet, really, how he’d worried about Sirius getting hurt or into trouble, and then gone out of his way to make the best of it by helping plan the wedding when it became clear there was no talking Sirius out of it. Of course, Remus had a lot of practice in on the whole “trying to make the best of things that he really thinks are terrible ideas” front. Not that Sirius is going to let him get away with pulling the _I told you so_ card on account of it.

‘Sorry, mate, I must’ve forgotten the part where you said I shouldn’t marry Lily because we might end up having mind-blowingly good sex after,’ said Sirius. ‘I’m sure I’d remember, what with it being such a persuasive argument and all.’

Remus, blast him, just looked more exasperated, and even James was giving Sirius a very stern look. Being Head Boy was a terrible influence on him.

‘I don’t think Moony was talking about the sex, mate,’ said James. Remus made a disgruntled harrumphing sound that probably signalled his agreement.

‘He’s worried you might have feelings for Lily,’ said Peter, now finally deigning to talk to him and sounding like _Sirius_ was the one who might be a bit simple.

Sirius bristled. ‘Well, he needn’t.’

‘Yes,’ said Remus slowly. ‘On account of how you’re famed throughout Hogwarts for your emotional restraint.’

‘Not that anyone would blame you for it,’ said James. Sirius got the distinct impression that Prongs was trying to placate him. ‘I mean, Lily’s a very attractive girl.’

‘Well, you had a crush on her and you got over it,’ said Sirius, neatly sidestepping the need to confirm or deny anything.

James gave him a vaguely pitying look. ‘She married my best friend and definitely did not shag me,’ he said. ‘It’s hardly the same thing.’

Well, that was certainly something to think on. ‘So, do you think Lily likes me?’ Sirius asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.

‘I think she’s either a masochist or far dafter than I’d given her credit for,’ said Remus. ‘And, to be honest, my opinion had already taken a nosedive after I found out she’d proposed to you.’

‘I was asking Prongs!’ Sirius huffed.

‘Maybe you should try asking Lily,’ James suggested gently.

Possibly he could, and perhaps even should, but Sirius didn’t relish the idea. It was one thing to have feelings – he wasn’t completely emotionally constipated, he wasn’t _Remus_ for fuck’s sake – but talking about them was a whole other matter. Besides, he didn’t want Lily feeling like she owed something to him. She was already a bit too grateful for their marriage for Sirius’ liking; it would be just like Lily to pretend to fancy Sirius back out of kindness or obligation, and the thought of it made Sirius feel queasy.

‘There’s really nothing to say,’ said Sirius. ‘You’re all worrying over nothing, you know.’

He tried not to mind the obviously concerned glances Remus and James exchanged.

‘So you’re not going to sleep with her again?’ said Remus. ‘At least until you’ve sorted things out.’

Sirius shrugged. ‘Dunno,’ he said, like he wasn’t very much aware that the chances of him turning Lily down were pretty much zero. ‘Maybe?’

‘If there is a chance that you’re falling for her, sex might make it worse,’ said James.

‘Or,’ said Sirius, keen to come up with an alternative, ‘I’m not some swooning romantic and wanting to shag a hot girl I’ve been spending a lot of time with is, in fact, perfectly normal.’

‘Maybe you just need to get it out of your system?’ said Peter, displaying a level of insight and original thinking that Sirius had never given him credit for.

‘Exactly! Well said Pete.’

Peter flushed, unused to Sirius’ enthusiastic praise. Remus huffed some more but kept mercifully quiet. Sirius turned to James hopefully.

‘I suppose it _could_ work,’ he said.

‘Of course it will!’ said Sirius bracingly. He jumped up to his feet, feeling suddenly much better. ‘Well, all this gossiping has given me an appetite. Who’s for lunch?’

‘Just remember, Padfoot,’ James whispered as they trooped downstairs. ‘We’re all here for you whatever, right?’

Sirius beamed at James, and clapped him on the shoulder. His friends' concern was touching, but there was really no need. They were all worrying about nothing.


	7. Chapter 7

_Three years later_... 

'Congratulations, Mrs Black. We're very excited about you joining us.'

Lily beamed proudly, shaking Director Rosario’s hand. She'd applied for the job with the elite Borage Institute of Potioneers more as a punt than out of any real hope that she'd get it - the restrictions on Muggle-borns had been rescinded since Millicent Bagnold had taken over as Minister for Magic, on a platform of promoting a more tolerant and open magical community, but the pace of change remained slow. Now that the Decree for the Protection of Wizarding Purity had been abolished the law didn't discriminate against Muggle-borns, but plenty of employers were still willing to do it on a voluntary basis. Lily had been glad to find work straight out of Hogwarts at all, and her job at Reeve & Lyon’s, a quiet community apothecary just off Diagon Alley had been steady, if unexciting, scarcely the opportunity she faced had now.

'Thank you,' she said, doing her best to remain professional and not gush. 'I can hardly wait to join you.'

'Well, we'll give you time to pack, first,' said Rosario.

'Pack?'

'Yes, of course,' said Rosario. 'We want you to send you to the Institute’s Headquarters in São Paulo for your induction. You'll be there for at least six months, maybe a year, depending on how things go.'

Lily covered her surprise with a wider than ever smile. 'Wonderful.'

#

Lily's mind was racing as she made her way home. She decided to get the bus, rather than Apparate or travel by Floo, the better to give herself time to think. Sirius was working nights at St Mungo's, so he'd be home, and no doubt eager to hear how her interview had gone. He'd encouraged her to apply for the job in the first place, brushing aside her worries that she might not be good enough with defiant good-humour.

Travelling by bus was still a vaguely political act, a connection to her Muggle heritage that plenty in the magical community frowned on. She'd taught Sirius too, and made sure they always had a supply of Muggle currency at home as well as Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts. Sirius had taken to it fairly well, and managed to gawk less obviously than Marlene did. They'd learnt the Tube together, Lily scoffing at Sirius' surprise that Lily needed to read the signs on the way in by pointing out that he was the one who'd grown up in London.

They lived in an unexciting suburb, chosen largely because it was one of the few areas around the capital that still had magical and Muggle households living in proximity. Their local was run by a squib, and the Muggle majority of the regulars didn't know about the Floo connection in the back room, or the 'experimental' potions that could be bought under the counter. Sirius had bought the house with his seemingly bottomless inheritance when they left school, dismissing Lily's concerns about her inability to match his financial contribution.

'I'm rich, of course I should pay more,' he had said. 'It's not like I earnt any of it.'

He did earn more as a Healer than Lily had as an Assistant Apothacarist, though her new job meant she'd be pulling even at last. The idea of making things a little more equal pleased her, and she tried not to think about how it was irrelevant, since she might not be living with Sirius much longer.

'So,' asked Sirius without preamble the moment Lily crossed the front door. 'How did it go?'

'I got it.'

Sirius grinned and hugged her. 'I knew it,' he said. 'Didn't I say? When do you start?'

Lily hesitated, feeling strangely nervous. This was the part she'd not looked forward to. She didn't know quite how Sirius might react. She didn't know how she felt about it herself.

'Not for a few weeks,' she said. 'I've to work out my notice at Lyon’s and then they're letting me have time to get ready.'

'Get ready?'

'To move.' Lily found she couldn't quite meet Sirius' eye. 'They're starting me off at headquarters. In Brazil.'

'Brazil?' Sirius' eyes went wide. Lily eyed him nervously, trying to gauge his reaction. 'That's, well, that's very exciting. Well done.'

'Thank you.' Lily was aware she sounded stiff, strangely formal. 'It's a wonderful opportunity.'

'You deserve it,' said Sirius. 'It's what you've been waiting for, after all. You always planned to move abroad.'

Lily found herself unable to answer. It was true; she had planned to move abroad. The Ministry's attitude to Muggle-borns - though it had improved now, since Bagnold took office - didn't make for the most welcoming environment. She remembered, suddenly, what she'd said all those years ago, when she first asked Sirius to marry her. She'd said it wouldn't be forever, that she'd leave the country eventually, and that she just wanted to finish Hogwarts first. The Decree that'd prompted their marriage was no longer law, but somehow they'd just carried on as always. They'd never... they'd never talked about anything else.

'I'm glad things have all worked out for you,' Sirius continued. He didn't quite look at Lily.

'Thanks.' Lily felt embarrassed, now, by how calculating it all seemed when Sirius said it. She didn't... she hadn't meant it to be.

'Anyway, I’d best be off to work,' said Sirius with obviously false cheer. 'I'll see you later.'

Lily just nodded and watched him go, not liking to mention that she knew very well his shift didn't start for nearly two hours.

#

Alone, Lily wandered from room to room, running over her memories of the life she'd shared with Sirius, wondering if it was all over. They'd acted like the perfect couple for so long, and not just in public. They slept together, cooked meals together, laughed and talked together, about everything except what they were to each other. It had always been an act, a game; Lily shouldn't have let herself forget that. A prank executed against the Ministry a little too well, and now Lily feared she'd played the part so convincingly, she'd round up fooling herself.

'Fuck it,' she mumbled to herself, and dashed off an owl inviting Marlene and Dorcas out to celebrate with her.

#

They went to Ashwinder’s, a club located behind a multi-storey carpark. It was hidden from Muggles, looking like a broken public toilet on the outside. Inside it looked like a public toilet decorated with too much glitter and some velvet throws. It was as good a place as any for getting smashed. Lily knocked back several glasses of a lethal-looking purple, sparkling concoction, but they didn't do much to put her in the party mood.

'So, are you going to tell us why you've got a face like a wet weekend, or do we have to guess?' asked Dorcas. 'Only you're not much looking like someone who not only landed her dream job, but found out she gets to go and have adventures in São Paulo as a bonus.'

Lily bit down on a cocktail cherry and refused to answer.

'I wonder, what could possibly have got our Lils all maudlin?' said Marlene, with frankly uncalled for levels of sarcasm. 'Could it possibly be a certain something starting with an S and ending in an S and it’s Sirius?'

'He's very happy for me,' said Lily, gazing down into the depths of her glass.

Dorcas ignored her, turning to Marlene. 'It's like pulling teeth.'

'Told you we should've slipped her a truth potion,' said Marlene. 'That might not take all fucking night.'

'Like we could get a potion past Lily,' said Dorcas, earning her a brief burst of affection from Lily. 'And besides, you should know better, you are a lawyer.'

'Civil advocate, I don't do criminal,' said Marlene breezily, as though this somehow made her immune to the law. 'But we're wandering off-topic: why isn't Lily happier about ending her wholly fake and in no way significant marriage? This was all supposed to be part of the plan, after all.'

'That's what Sirius said,' Lily muttered. 'I'm sure he'll be glad to be free and single again. I did promise he wouldn't be stuck with me forever.'

Marlene and Dorcas exchanged knowing looks. Stupid properly together couples and their stupid being in love with each other. Why was Lily friends with them anyway? Realising her own glass was empty, she reached across the table and stole Marlene's, knocking it back with a gulp. Marlene looked vaguely offended, but apparently decided that Lily's need was greater than her own and didn't protest.

'And how do you feel about that?' asked Dorcas in an overly-gentle tone.

'I don't want to leave him,' Lily admitted in a small voice.

'Come on, out with it,' said Dorcas encouragingly. 'Is it really so hard to admit that you're in love with your husband?'

Lily nodded silently.

Marlene reached for her drink, before realising that Lily had taken and drunk it already, and slapping her hand onto the table. 'Sometimes I really hate straight people,' she said vaguely.

Lily burst into tears.

'Oh, hey, Lily, no, I didn't mean you.' Marlene scooted closer to Lily, wrapping her arms around her shoulders. 'You should know better than to listen to a bitter bitch like me anyway.'

Despite herself, Lily let out a wet hiccough of laughter. Marlene could be spectacularly mean sometimes, but she hated really upsetting anyone.

'I should know better than to drink this much,' said Lily, wiping her face. 'You know it always makes me sob like an idiot.'

'Mm, coming out and getting wrecked possibly wasn't the smartest move,' said Dorcas. 'You know you really should talk to him.'

Lily shrugged awkwardly. It was too hideously embarrassing a conversation to even think about. 'What's the point?' she said. 'He obviously doesn't feel the same way.'

'You sure about that?' said Dorcas. 'You and Sirius do have the perfect couple thing down pat.'

'Yeah, well, it's all part of the act, isn't it?' said Lily. Even if the Ministry was no longer about to snap her wand if she didn't have the protection of marriage to a pure-blood wizard, they still weren't exactly friendly to Muggle-borns, and they could yet decide to prosecute both Lily and Sirius for entering into a sham marriage in the first place. 'We had to keep up appearances.'

'Right, so it's all just pretend,' said Marlene. 'He just ignores you at home, I suppose.'

'No, of course not, we're friends,' said Lily, bristling a little in Sirius' defence. So they might not be a real couple, he wasn't horrible to her or anything. In fact, he was actually very sweet most of the time, to Lily at least.

'Friends.' Marlene nodded. 'So you're not still fucking him?'

Lily felt her face flush scarlet. Probably another effect of the alcohol. 'We're, y'know, friends with benefits,' she said, squirming away from Marlene's sceptical expression. ‘Look, what were we supposed to do, just live in celibacy for years? It was a practical arrangement, that’s all.’

‘So, you’re in love with him, but he’s just using you for sex?’ asked Dorcas.

‘It’s not like that!’ said Lily, hotly. Sirius wouldn’t. He wasn’t like that.

Marlene looked thoughtful. That was worrying. ‘What is it like then?’ she asked. ‘The sex.’

Lily felt herself flushing redder, but was granted a reprieve by Dorcas. ‘You don’t have to answer that. I’m not sure we want to know.’

‘I do, I’ve got a theory,’ said Marlene, leaning over to her. ‘About Sirius and Lils shagging but I need to know more about how they do it to test it out.’

‘What do you know about having sex with men?’ asked Dorcas.

‘I know better than to do it,’ said Marlene, waving her hand. ‘Not the point, though. The point is, how often does Sirius go down on you?’

‘Marlene!’ said Lily, a little too loudly. A passing house-elf carrying a tray of drinks stopping to look at her, wide-eyed and scandalised. Lily was a little done with being judged, and waved him on. When she turned back, Marlene was giving her the sort of fiercely expectant stare that made Lily wonder why she didn’t do criminal prosecutions – a look like that would make the most hardened of Dark Wizards crumble. ‘I don’t know,’ she mumbled. ‘A lot.’

‘Ooh, I know where this is going,’ said Dorcas. ‘And it’s good, right? He always makes sure you come first?’

‘He’s very considerate,’ muttered Lily, trying to ignore Dorcas and Marlene’s sniggers. Oh, what the hell. ‘Fine, if you must know, the sex is great. He’s really good in bed.’ Not that it meant anything. Sirius was good at everything.

‘What about after?’ asked Marlene, relentless. ‘What do you do when you’re done fucking?’

‘I don’t know,’ said Lily. ‘Normal after-sex things I suppose.’

‘What’s normal after sex depends very much on the type of sex you’ve been having,’ said Dorcas, while Marlene nodded her agreement. ‘Settle up? Run for the shower? Fart, roll, over and fall asleep?’

‘Haul yourself out of bed to go and make your girlfriend a sandwich because you’re just that good a partner?’ suggested Marlene.

Lily frowned, thinking about it. Sirius had never made her a sandwich after sex, but he probably would if she asked. Did that mean something? No, of course not. She was just getting emotional. ‘We might talk sometimes, I suppose,’ she said at last. ‘Kiss perhaps. Maybe a bit of, you know…’

‘Cuddling?’ said Marlene. ‘Snuggling? Classic convenient shag behaviour, that.’

Maybe Marlene had a point. Sirius was always pretty affectionate with her, and it wasn’t like he was a particularly affectionate person generally. He wasn’t just cuddly in bed; he usually kissed her goodbye before she left for work each morning, and held her hand when they went out together. When he wasn’t working nights they’d sometimes listen to the WWN together, and Sirius would lie down with his head in Lily’s lap, letting her play with his hair. But none of that was necessarily romantic.

‘He’s never said anything, though,’ said Lily. She didn’t want to go getting her hopes up. If she did and it turned out Sirius really didn’t feel the same…

‘You’ve never said either,’ Dorcas reminded her, in a surprisingly gentle tone. ‘Might be time you did.’

‘Perhaps,’ mused Lily. ‘It’s just… all these years pretending, now I’m not sure I even know how to talk honestly about my feelings.’

Marlene wagged her finger at Lily. ‘The sensible thing to do would be for you to go home now, take a Sobriety Potion, then get your head down for a few hours until Sirius gets off the night shift. Then you can sit down over breakfast and tell him everything.’

‘That sounds very sensible, yes.’ Lily nodded dutifully. Her inner Head Girl agreed completely. ‘Alternatively, I could stay here with you two, knocking back cocktails until it seems like a really good idea to drunk owl Sirius love poetry at four a.m., get in a fight in a kebab shop, then throw up in a gutter.’

‘That,’ said Marlene sternly, ‘would be a very bad idea.’

Dorcas grinned, already reaching for her purse to get the next round in. ‘I think we all know how tonight is going to end.’

#

Lily woke up on the sofa, with her skirt askew and her head feeling like it was hosting a Goblin Rebellion. Gingerly, she moved to a sitting position, trying to ignore the lurching sensation in her stomach. There was a glass of water sitting on the coffee table, along with a couple of potion bottles. Lily drank the lot gratefully, and glanced around, trying to get her bearings. The curtains were drawn, but there were chinks of light shining through the gaps, so it must be morning. Sirius would be home – it must’ve been him who left the water, and put the blanket over her.

Feeling a little more human, Lily made it up off the sofa, tripping over her own discarded shoes as she headed into the hallway and up the stairs. When she pushed open the door to the master bedroom she saw Sirius was already in bed, fast asleep and oblivious to the morning sunshine streaming through the window. He was always out like a light after working nights, and would sleep like the dead until lunch, when he’d wake up, ravenous, in a mood like a bear with a sore head.

Leaning against the door jamb and watching Sirius sleep, Lily felt a warm surge of affection for him. Sometimes she almost forgot how extraordinarily good-looking her husband was; looking at Sirius now, relaxed and peaceful, there was no escaping the fact that he was a beautiful man. Lily’s first instinct was to climb into the bed beside him, snuggle up in the warm cocoon of Sirius’ arms. She could kiss him awake, and tell him that she loved him. Maybe Sirius would smile and say of course he felt the same, then they’d spend the day making love and laughing about how silly it was of them to take so long. Waking up to sex was one of the few things that could shake Sirius’ post-night shift grouchiness.

It was a lovely fantasy, and Lily almost worked up the nerve to try it except… except her stomach was still a bit squiffy and she realised, a little belatedly, that she had a bit of kebab meat stuck to her breast. Her hair felt suspiciously sticky and… yuck, she did whiff a bit. There was no way Sirius was going to be bowled over with love by Lily invading his personal space in this state, looking and smelling like the personification of dodgy nightclub cloakroom.

She backed out of the room on tip-toes, and went to sleep off the rest of her hangover in the spare room.

#

By the time Lily woke again it was afternoon. She felt physically much better but still filthy, and spent a good half hour in the shower, washing away night-out mank and nervous sweats before venturing downstairs, where she could hear Sirius stomping about. Lily hesitated at the foot of the stairs, taking a deep breath. She could do this. She’d been married to Sirius for three years, and known him for nearly a decade. It wasn’t like approaching a stranger. All she had to do was walk into the kitchen, face Sirius, and tell him that she loved him.

How hard could it be?

‘Morning,’ was the best she could manage. 'Or afternoon, even.'

Sirius looked up from his apparently random moving of objects around the living room. ‘Oh, so you’re awake at last.’

‘Yeah, bit of a heavy night,’ said Lily. Sirius was looking grumpier than usual; it must’ve been a bad night at St Mungo’s. Perhaps she’d save the romantic declarations until after dinner.

‘Well, you had a lot to celebrate, didn’t you?’ said Sirius, his mouth twisting into a sneer. There was something very unpleasant about his expression, something Lily hadn’t seen before – or rather, she _had_ seen it, directed at Severus, or Ministry officials, or members of Sirius’ own family, but never at her.

‘My new job, yeah, I went out with Dorcas and Marlene.’ Lily tried for a smile, but it didn’t go well.

‘I’m sure the three of you had plenty to talk about,’ said Sirius. What was _wrong_ with him? He’d never given Lily a hard time about going out with her friends before.

‘We did,’ said Lily trying to screw up her nerve. ‘Actually…’

‘The job, the move,’ Sirius went on, as if Lily hadn’t spoken. ‘Your impending divorce.’

‘Divorce?’ Lily blinked.

‘Oh, was I not supposed to know?’ asked Sirius nastily. ‘Only you were so pissed last night you dropped your handbag in the kitchen sink. I found this while I was cleaning up after you this morning.’

He held out some parchment, curled and soggy at the edges. Lily had only the haziest memory of seeing it before. She leant forwards, reading the words ‘ _Application for Dissolution of Marriage (joint authorities) Claimant Part A_ ’ on the top sheet. Dimly, she remembered Marlene pushing them on her, no doubt Marlene’s idea of shock therapy, a reminder of the future Lily faced if she _didn’t_ admit her feelings to Sirius. She had an idea the phrase “shit or get off the pot” may have been used.

‘No, wait, you don’t understand –’ Lily began uncertainly.

‘On the contrary, I think I understand perfectly,’ said Sirius. ‘You’ve got what you wanted from me and now it’s time to get rid. You were always quite clear that our marriage was a joke to you, but I did think you’d be a little less of a grasping, deceitful gold-digger when it came to the end.’

‘What did you call me?’ said Lily, her voice rising. She could hardly believe what she was hearing.

‘You heard, you greedy little –’ Sirius yelled back. ‘Did you think I wouldn’t notice the application for financial assistance? You’ve got a fucking job, do you really need more out of me?’

‘I didn’t… I never…’ Lily was so confused and furious she could barely speak. ‘I didn’t marry you for your money, for fuck’s sake!’

‘Not just my money,’ said Sirius. ‘There was my name and blood status too. But apparently you don’t need them anymore, just a nice little pay-out to go out with a bang.’

‘How many times, I don’t want your money!’ cried Lily. There was part of her, even beneath the anger at Sirius’ bizarre, horrible accusations that wanted to add, _I want you_ , but there was no way she was saying it now.

‘Please, like you’ve not had enough of it,’ said Sirius. ‘This house, the fees for your guild membership, those fancy shoes you like, that ring on your finger. It all cost money and you never had any.’

He was so angry and none of it made any sense. They’d never argued about money before, not really, except when Lily had tried to persuade Sirius _not_ to buy her expensive gifts. He’d always been so generous, especially towards Lily, and his friends too. Lily couldn’t understand where this hateful meanness was coming from.

‘If you’re that worried about your precious gold you can take it back!’ Lily tugged the ring off her finger, the first time she’d taken it off since Sirius had placed it there on their wedding day. She threw it across the room at Sirius, who made no move to catch it, just standing impassive as it bounced off his chest and fell to the floor. ‘Take it to the pawn brokers for all I care.’

Sirius laughed humourlessly. ‘If there’s one thing I’ve learnt in the past 24 hours, it’s that you don’t care about anything but yourself.’

‘That’s not true!’ said Lily desperately. She honestly didn’t know if she wanted to slap Sirius or burst into tears. Her confusion left her glancing about wildly. ‘Wait, where are you going?’

She’d realised, perhaps a little late, that Sirius had been packing a bag. He zipped it up and threw it over his shoulder. ‘I’m going to stay with Prongs for a few days,’ he said. ‘When you and Marlene have decided exactly how much you want from me, drop me an owl.’

He turned and stalked out of the room, leaving Lily trailing uselessly in his wake. ‘Sirius, wait,’ she said as she caught up with him at the front door. ‘Don’t go, not like this.’

Sirius turned back to face her, his expression cold. ‘Why wouldn’t I go?’ he asked. ‘There’s nothing worthwhile for me here.’

And with that he was gone, slamming the door behind him and leaving Lily confused and alone.


	8. Chapter 8

James let Sirius keep shtum through the Magpies game on the WWN, some meaningless workplace gossip, a couple of pints and a comfortingly greasy pile of food from the Chinese take-away down the road before he’d had enough. He finally sat Sirius down and demanded that Sirius spill the beans.

‘Lily’s leaving me,’ Sirius said, feeling astonishingly hollow as he said the words. ‘She got that job and they’re sending her to São Paulo. She doesn’t need me anymore.’

James looked at him thoughtfully. ‘Did she say that?’

‘Didn’t need to.’ Sirius shrugged. He dug into his pocket and pulled out the crumpled divorce application form. ‘I found this in her bag this morning. She’d been out with Marlene last night. Celebrating the fact that she’s about to get shot of me.’

James smoothed the form out, and turned it over. ‘This is blank,’ he pointed out. ‘She hasn’t filled it out.’

In spite of himself, Sirius felt a flash of optimism – maybe Lily didn’t really… But no, that was stupid. ‘She hasn’t filled it out yet,’ he said. ‘What would she even have it for if she didn’t want a divorce?’

‘Maybe Marlene just gave it to her, doesn’t mean Lily asked,’ said James. ‘Or maybe she just assumed it was what you wanted. Have you even tried talking to her about it?’

Sirius lowered his head, feeling thoroughly ashamed of himself as he remembered the row he’d had with Lily earlier in the day. ‘I… kind of?’ he said. ‘Well, no. We didn’t really talk. It was more me yelling and being a dick.’

‘Right.’ James ran his hands over his hair and gave a sort of long-suffering sigh that made him sound altogether too much like Moony. Sirius couldn’t quite escape the feeling that he deserved to have someone judging him, just a bit. ‘So has Lily got any reason to believe that you don’t, in fact, want her to fuck off at her earliest convenience?’

‘Of course I don’t want her to go!’ said Sirius, indignant.

‘Why?’

‘Because…’ Sirius spluttered. ‘Because I _love_ her.’

James sat back, arms folded across his chest and looking strangely smug. ‘Finally,’ he said. ‘Have you tried telling her that?’

‘Well, no, not exactly.’ On reflection, Sirius never had told Lily that he loved her, but then why would he? It was just _obvious_.

‘And you don’t think that might be part of the problem at all?’ asked James.

‘No, I think the problem is that _she_ doesn’t love _me_ ,’ said Sirius. ‘You know, what with her being the one that’s fucking off abroad and filing for divorce.’

‘Back up a couple of days, before she got the job,’ said James. ‘How was she with you? Kind, interested, supportive, liked spending time with you?’

‘Yeah, of course, we’re friends,’ said Sirius. _Were friends_ , he amended mentally. He wasn’t sure Lily would want even want to be friends with him after the way he’d spoken to her. The idea made him ache more painfully than ever.

James kept on looking at him in that gently concerned way. It was making Sirius feel uncomfortable in ways he couldn’t quite process. ‘The two of you are still shagging, right?’

Sirius shrugged. ‘It’s just sex,’ he said. ‘We had an arrangement, you know that.’

‘I do,’ said James. ‘I also know Lily, and she doesn’t seem like the kind of girl who’d be using you as a convenient source of dick all this time.’

‘Oh, please, it’s only blokes who are shit in the sack who think women don’t like sex that much,’ said Sirius scornfully. ‘Lily can like my cock just fine without getting all mushy about it.’

‘Says the bloke who’s fallen madly in love with the woman he’s been having supposedly no-strings sex with for the past three years,’ retorted James. ‘You tell me, mate, does it feel like it’s just a physical thing when you’re with her?’

Sirius shook his head. ‘No,’ he admitted. ‘It never did.’

‘Maybe it isn’t for her, either,’ said James. ‘Maybe Lily feels the same way you do, or maybe she doesn’t. The point is, you’re not going to know for sure unless you ask her.’

It did make a certain amount of logical sense. Part of the reason Sirius had never managed to bring himself to ask was that he feared Lily saying no, and that was unforgivable cowardice. He knew James was right, James usually was, however reluctant Sirius might be to admit it.

‘I know, I ought to talk to her like a grown-up,’ said Sirius, not relishing the prospect one bit. ‘I did sort of try earlier on but… I fucked it up pretty spectacularly.’

‘What did you do?’

‘Lost my temper, ran off my mouth,’ said Sirius, knowing that none of this would be much of a surprise to James. ‘I accused her of being a gold-digger.’

James let out a low whistle. ‘That’s low, mate.’

Sirius buried his head in his hands. ‘I know, I know,’ he said. ‘I didn’t mean any of it, I was just…’

‘Hurt?’ suggested James. ‘Scared?’

‘Yeah.’ Sirius rubbed his palms over his face. ‘That’s no excuse, though.’

‘No, it’s not,’ said James. ‘But you didn’t mean it. You should tell her that, too.’

Sirius nodded. ‘Do you think she’ll forgive me?’

‘That’s up to her,’ said James. ‘But, yeah, I think she might. Lily’s pretty kind-hearted – if she knows you’re really sorry and you won’t do it again then she’ll probably let you off the hook.’

‘I will. I’ll tell her.’ Sirius took a deep breath. Even if Lily couldn’t forgive him for the horrible, hateful things he’d said, he wanted her to know that he was truly sorry, that he didn’t think of her that way at all. ‘I can handle a bit of grovelling.’

‘And are you going to tell her how you feel?’ asked James. ‘This might be your last chance. If you really love her, you need to step up and take the risk. She’s worth fighting for, right?’

‘Of course she is!’ said Sirius. He’d do anything of for Lily, anything at all. Except talk openly and honestly about his feelings, it seemed. It wasn’t just fear that was holding him back, though. ‘It’s just… I don’t want to guilt trip her into staying with me or anything.’

James didn’t speak for a while, the silence drawing out long and thoughtful. Sirius had never minded being quiet with James, they didn’t always need words, but he was still anxious to hear what James had to say about this one.

‘It’s good that you want Lily to make her own choices,’ said James at last. ‘But it should be an informed choice. She can’t do that if you’re not honest with her.’

That was the heart of it really. Sirius wanted, more than anything, for Lily to choose him – really choose him, because it was what she wanted, not just because he was her best chance at not getting her wand snapped, or because it was easier just to let things be when that risk faded, or even because she felt sorry for him. The fear that Lily had never really wanted him had niggled at Sirius for years, and that was why he’d lost his temper and accused her of using him.

It wasn’t as though Sirius actually cared about the money. He’d gladly let Lily have the lot. He loved Lily, was willing to give her anything, everything. He could give her a real choice, couldn’t he?

‘I’ve got an idea,’ he said. ‘I could do with some help.’

James grinned at him. ‘Anything, Padfoot. You know that.’

#

Sirius was ready and waiting when Lily got home, sitting at the kitchen table with a bottle of wine, a pile of paper, and a growing case of nerves.

‘Lily,’ he said, gathering his nerve. He could do this.

‘Back already?’ said Lily. Sirius couldn’t really blame her for being less than enthusiastic under the circumstances. He poured a glass of wine and pushed it across the table by way of a peace offering. Lily looked wary, but sat down and took a sip, which seemed like a good sign.

‘I owe you an apology,’ Sirius blurted out. ‘Those things I said… it was really horrible. I didn’t mean any of it.’

Lily looked up at him, meeting his eyes for the first time since she’d arrived home. She looked sad, Sirius thought. ‘I didn’t,’ she said. ‘It was never about money, Sirius, I swear.’

‘I know it wasn’t, Lils, I know,’ Sirius assured her. ‘I was being a dick. Can you forgive me?’

Lily nodded. ‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘I’m glad you don’t… don’t really think that.’

‘Never,’ said Sirius fervently.

It seemed to make a difference, as Lily’s posture relaxed a little and she took a drink of wine. Sirius couldn’t stop watching her every movement; she was so heart-stoppingly, achingly beautiful. He could scarcely stand the thought that he was about to lose her forever.

‘Is that what you came back for?’ asked Lily. ‘To clear the air? Or are you moving back in?’

Sirius wondered if she didn’t look a bit hopeful at that, but tried not to read too much into it.

‘I wanted to give you something,’ he said.

‘A going-away present?’

‘Not exactly,’ said Sirius. He swallowed heavily. ‘A choice.’

Lily looked confused. ‘A choice?’

‘You never really got to make one, when we got married.’

‘I asked you,’ Lily reminded him gently.

‘Yeah, but it wasn’t under the best circumstances,’ said Sirius. ‘We can do better.’ 

He smoothed out the top sheet of parchment and turned it around, pushing it across the table towards Lily. It was the divorce form he’d found in Lily’s bag, all neatly filled out and with a copy of their marriage certificate clipped to the back. Lily’s face betrayed a flicker of surprise as she read it over.

‘If you don’t want to be married to me anymore then I won’t make it difficult for you,’ said Sirius. ‘We can split everything 50-50, keep it amicable. I hope we’ll stay friends after.’

Lily nodded, her long hair falling over her face as she read the document in front of her. Sirius couldn’t see her expression. ‘You said you wanted me to choose?’

Sirius pushed another piece of paper towards her. It was a leaflet from the Church of St Nicholas, a pretty, rural church, whose vicar had been remarkably tolerant of Sirius parking his motorcycle in the graveyard. Lily took it and looked up at him, surprised. ‘I don’t understand.’

‘Remember how you said you always wanted to get married in a church?’ said Sirius, struggling to keep his voice even. His heart seemed to be pounding right up to his throat. ‘I spoke to the vicar and, if you like, he could do it. It wouldn’t make any difference legally because we’re already married but he could do, like, a blessing.’

‘A blessing?’ repeated Lily, eyes wide.

‘Yeah.’ Sirius nodded. ‘That’s what you wanted, you told me. And you can have it. The pretty country church and we can invite everyone we know. You can have the biggest, foofiest dress you can find, and you can have Marlene and Dorcas as bridesmaids – they’re both much nicer than Petunia anyway. And you can make them wear fancy dresses too. Peach ones.’

‘Why peach?’

‘Because they both hate peach, so it’ll be really funny to make them wear it,’ said Sirius, and Lily laughed. Good, that was good. He could keep going. ‘And you can have as many flowers as you like, a great big cake, the party after, everything.’

Lily smiled softly. ‘My fairy-tale wedding?’

Sirius nodded. ‘To someone who loves you more than anything,’ he finished at last. ‘To me. Because I do. I love you.’

‘You really mean it?’ said Lily, her voice barely above a whisper.

‘More than I’ve ever meant anything,’ said Sirius. ‘If you don’t love me then you should go and not feel bad about it. I want you to be happy. But if you do… if you there’s a chance that you might feel the same, I’d really like it if you could be happy with me.’

Lily didn’t say anything. She got to her feet and walked around the table, standing right beside Sirius. Her hands were warm and soft on Sirius face as she tilted his head up towards her and then slowly, oh so unspeakably slowly, leant down to press her lips against his. Sirius let out a startled murmur but wasted no time returning the kiss, reaching out to hold Lily, pulling her onto his lap. Lily’s hands tangled in his hair, her tongue slide against his, and their bodies pressed close together.

‘So, can I take that as a “yes” then?’ asked Sirius with a shaky laugh once they’d both finally come up for air.

‘Yes,’ said Lily happily. Her eyes were shining; her smile broad and brilliant as she rained kisses across his face between words. ‘Oh, Sirius, yes, yes of course. I love you.’

It was, Sirius decided, the best thing he’d ever heard. ‘You’re sure?’

‘Yes, I’m sure,’ said Lily, laughing. She seemed honestly delighted. ‘I’ll tell the Borage Institute I don’t want the job. I’d rather stay with you.’

‘You don’t have to do that,’ Sirius told her.

Lily stopped a moment, startled. ‘But I thought… I thought you were asking me to stay?’

‘With _me_ ,’ Sirius clarified, but Lily still looked confused. ‘They have hospitals in São Paulo.’

‘You’ll come with me?’ Lily’s smile, if possible, grew wider than ever. ‘All that way.’

‘Definitely,’ said Sirius. ‘I’ve never been to Brazil, it sounds exciting. And I’ll be with you.’

Lily kissed him again, soft and amazingly sweet. Sirius could hardly believe that he might really, truly be able to stay like this, honestly and without pretence, forever.

‘You’re certain?’ she asked, a little breathless. ‘I don’t… I don’t even care about the church or the dress or any of that, you know. I just want to be with you. As long as you want it too.’

Sirius grinned at her. ‘I do.’


End file.
